Salvo Story

I want to know it...

2011-11-07T22:12:00.001Z

The resurrection of Jesus was an event like no other.

I’ve read books about it.

I’ve read the key texts on it.

Still, I don’t quite get it.

It’s not that I don’t believe that it happened (I do), but that I know I still haven’t really taken on board its significance.

If I grasped its importance, I mean really grasped it, I would stop simply reading up about it and allow its truth to wash over me, to change me, make me more generous, kind and loving, more tolerant of others, less likely to shoot my mouth off when things don’t go right, more confident and trusting in my living Lord.

Do you ever feel like this?

Do you want to grasp the truth of the resurrection more fully?

What’s stopping us?

Fear? Pride? Busyness? Doubts?

If it really is that important, if it really is the central reason that the New Testament was even written in the first place, if it really is ground-zero for God’s new creation being unleashed upon his world then you and I need to rediscover the power of the resurrection once more. And here’s the thing…

We don’t need to wait until the fear, the pride, the busyness or even the doubts subside. Resurrection cuts through all of that if we let it.

So may you and I rediscover the power of Jesus’ resurrection once again.
May we breathe in its strength and sheer magnitude
May we be filled to the brim with its life-giving power.

May you know the resurrection, not just in books but working in and through your life .

Cast it!

2011-08-07T20:10:00.004+01:00

I preached on 1 Peter 5.7-9 today.

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him,
standing firm in the faith, because you know that your fellow believers
throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Message went well. Hopefully we were all challenged. But here's how it was confirmed to me that it was from God...

Five minutes after the meeting, a man came into the building asking to see the minister. We went in to the office where he proceeded to tell me that he needed money to go to the Isle of Wight to I.D. his father who had just passed away. When I told him that we couldn't give him CASH there are then, he lambasted me with all sorts of colourful words about how rubbish we are etc. Inwardly I was mad, but thankfully I didn't tell him where to get off and encouraged him to "go in peace" (!)

phew... Ok..

Now is this me or is this a perfect example of that above text? "The devil prowls around... looking for someone to devour..."
why is it things like this happen? Why is it that you come away from a great time of worship and service, and the Enemy attempts to stick an oar in? Why is it you can have a great with the Lord at a summer camp, for example, or a service, which can rapidly turn into a feud between people who disagree over carpets?

Because the Enemy doesn't like it. He prowls, he looks for something to chew on...
Thankfully on this occasion I did stand firm, but there have been many other times when I haven't. It makes me realise that a) we disciples of Christ are always in the firing line of the enemies of Jesus b) We need to cultivate a spiritual radar that realises these attacks for what they are and by God's Spirit, resist and stand firm. The devil might want to devour you, but it doesn't have to get to that point.

Resist Him. He Will Flee. Get yourself into a small group of people whom you can speak to, pray with and encourage.

Most importantly, Cast all your anxieties upon Jesus. Come to Him FIRST. Not last resort, but first thought. Give him your time, like the Psalmists did so long ago when they were oppressed and crushed. Tell him what you think, how you feel and claim his promises over your life.

You don't have to twist his arm. He is the God of all comfort and he cares for YOU.

It's as simple as that.

Peace.

Stoneycroft

2011-05-15T19:14:00.004+01:00

Oh man, so we went to visit Liverpool Stoneycroft corps today, which is the church that Gemma and I will be helping to lead in about three weeks.

I was blown away

Have you ever had one of those experiences when you're in church and simply 'know' that God is there? Or when you just know that what is going on around you is nothing other than a God-honouring moment?

This was one of those moments.

It wasn't the size of the church community, it wasn't the sung worship, it wasn't the bible teaching, it was the warmth of the people that got to me. People simply love each other. They love God, they love each other.

Isn't that what this is all about.

Isn't all else secondary?

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind soul, strength and love your neighbour. (Matthew 22)

I certainly haven't cracked this, but I saw a glimpse of another world today. This stuff actually does work.

New Beginnings

2011-05-08T20:26:00.003+01:00

I want to lose myself in God. Actually, unequivocally, unashamedly losing myself in the King of Kings, being so saturated by his love, grace and peace that I am transformed into a mighty prophet, a humble servant, an authentic disciple and fully-fledged human being.

We're going to be starting a new ministry in June and I grow more convinced that only when we surrender every ounce of our being to the Holy Spirit, will we truly be able to capture His vision for His world.

I'm becoming less interested in searching for that ultimate model or method of 'church' and far more interested into exploring what the actual need of the community we live in is. Where is God already working? How can we join in? How can we inspire, equip and energise people to realise that they are missionaries wherever they are? How can we authentically demonstrate what it means to be a Spirit-led, anointed and loving community of God's people?

My initial hunch is we are going to need to do a lot of praying. A lot of Bible. A lot of listening. A lot of walking. A lot of reading.

I'll let you know how we get on.

The Kingdom

2009-01-26T12:42:00.002Z

The Kingdom of God... What is it?

I read recently that the Kingdom of God 'begins with us'. But if it begins with us then it becomes a kind of abstract spiritual concept, one of the many that are floating around our shores in the form of ‘mind body and spirit’ categories of bookshop chains; another form of ’spirituality’ that we can try alongside kabbalah, horoscopes and reading tea-leaves.

The general way of seeing God’s Kingdom as something that begins ‘within us’ is like someone attempting to sketch a landscape picture with a wax crayon instead of the proper artist’s equipment - the outline of the picture might be comprehensible, but the the full glory of the landscape will most likely be missed.

God’s Kingdom in other words is the Sovereign Kingship of God. The reign of God over the heavens and the earth, the true King of Kings and Lord of Lord’s covering this place ‘as the waters cover the sea’. Israel’s KIng was God himself, until ‘they wanted to be like the other nations’ and have a King for themselves. Eventually their fate which was bound up tightly with the many failed kings that they had led them into a physical exile and what seemed like a spiritual abandonment from God. But…

There was always the promise that God would one day become King again over not just Israel but over the entire cosmos. All the nations would be blessed by his reign, he would bring comfort, healing, transformation to his land. He would judge evil, show it up for what it was and defeat its’ power once and for all. Some believed (not least many prophets) that he would do this through an earthly king, the anointed king (messiah) would be do what no other earthly king could ever do. His servant would usher in the new age.

So when Jesus in Mark 1 says that ‘The Kingdom of God is upon you!’ he is announcing that through him, God is finally becoming King! The Good news of the Kingdom is a summons to everyone on the planet to give their allegiance to King Jesus, who of course is not just an earthly King, but as the early Christians would soon discover after his resurrection, he was the embodiment of the One True God’s return to Israel, God incarnate.

You and I and everyone who gives our allegiance to the King are called to die to ourselves everyday, and to enact upon that summons. God builds his Kingdom, as Tom Wright says, we ‘build FOR the Kingdom’. We each take our place in working for God’s grand project of new creation which was start with the death and resurrection of King Jesus and will be fulfilled when ‘God is finally All in All’ (1 Cor 15.) When he draws all things in heaven and earth under him.

Being Kingdom-bearers means to work for all that is good, holy and just. To go out from our Corps energized to work and serve and love and heal and strengthen and on and on…

I’m only just beginning to realize what a gift this is, but I will continue to do this for the rest of my life.

God's Invitation

2008-12-22T19:18:00.002Z

Christopher Wright articulates Mission as:

'... our committed participation as God's people, at God's invitation and command, in God's own mission within the history of God's world for the redemption of God's creation' (2006).

I love this idea of 'Mission' as God's purpose, his goal for rescuing, not just humans, but his entire creation. It's not simply about 'being sent', though it does include that, but a fully rounded idea of mission surely means that we have to be totally sold out on God's great purposes for the cosmos. To be a missional community surely means to be a community with this driving force over and above us, challenging us to re-centre our priorities and allegiances, to knock down our selfish pride and to re-orientate our lives around God's invitation to be 'salvation' people.

Mission and all that...

2008-11-27T12:43:00.003Z

It's been a while...

So I'm in Birmingham now studying for my Masters in Theol and doing the Associate D.Y.O. thing part time. It's been a great 2 months but the novelty is finally wearing off. I'm seriously considering what my purpose is here at the moment. Here's what I started off with...

Study Old Testament, learn lots of stuff, teach young people Old Testament, its significance as part of God's great story which reaches its climax in Jesus and to equip young people with the "so what now?" part.

I must admit that I have learnt a couple of new things but I think God spoke last night, and I think that I'm being pulled into the arena of seeing the study of Theology as part of the Church's Mission. Specifically I believe I may be needing to orient myself, my essays, my future preaching and teaching to help young people understand that Mission is not an additional extra to Church life or discipleship but as Michael Frost suggests, it is the foundational template upon which the Church needs to focus its life upon, including worship, discipleship and its call to rescue the world in and through the name of Jesus.

So maybe for now, I will concentrate on 'salvation' and 'mission' within the Old Testament (I can never learn enough I guess), but I get the feeling that my work will eventually be a more holistically biblically theological approach.

Ring-a-ding

2008-07-22T00:31:00.002+01:00

I am looking forward to marriage!

I look forward to sharing my life with Gemma, to have our narratives entwine, to grow in love, companionship and trust.

I look back on the past 15 months and rub my eyes at how far we have come together. I think of the envelopment of trust, the laughter, the cross words, the quiet times, the revelations and the prayers. If life can be this packed in so short amount of time, I simply wonder what future years will hold.

What I do know is that this is a good thing, a beautiful thing.

A Word About Adoption...

2008-07-08T21:42:00.001+01:00

We, who are NOT Jewish Christians (I’m betting 99.9% of Salvationists included within this statement) are ‘gentile’ Christians, grafted/adopted in to the family of Abraham. We have no ‘right’ to be part of the family, either by merit or inheritance, yet God desires to embrace all (even me, the sinner that I am!).

The scandalous thing to many 1st Century Jews would have been that as well as being presented with the news that their Messiah, their King had arrived, he had come to RESCUE/SAVE the gentiles too, not destroy them!

I confess that I for one need to get on my knees to thank God for his grace far more than I actually do regarding my ‘adoption’ into his family

And I stress ‘adoption’ because it isn’t that God has now done away with Israel to start a new family, but that he redefined what it meant to ‘be’ Israel, to be the family of Abraham (which is what Romans 9-11 is all about).

As uncomfortable as it may be for some, WE Christians are part of ‘Israel’, the newly defined Israel that is now, not based on certain ethnic/physical boundaries (circumcision, blood-relation, and the countless other law-based markers) but by faith in the Messiah, Jesus and the verdict of being justified by God that stems from this faith.

Instead of our potential arrogance that states ‘we are now God’s chosen, instead of those nasty Jews!’ we should celebrate our kinship with our Jewish Christian brothers and sisters as well as praying (as Paul does) that our distance relatives, the ethnic Jews, will receive the good news that Jesus is Lord! (It should go without saying that this hope should be universal but I highlight the Jews particularly for this argument).

Thinking of the Cross

2008-06-04T23:25:00.005+01:00

Something about penal substitution, i.e. a theology that you may traditionally understand as Jesus 'paying a penalty in our place'.

Whether or not you have thought about this much, its probably there in ancient crevices of your mind from sunday school, sermons, books, discussions, films, scripture readings etc.
But still.
Have you ever thought through what it's all about? What exactly did Jesus accomplish on the cross? What does it mean that he took away our sins? What on earth does Romans 8.3 state when it says that

... God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh could not do: by sending
his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and to deal with sin, he condemned sin
in the flesh (NRSV)

?

I'm taking it for-granted that you don't possibly believe that God the Father punishes Jesus the 'innocent victim' in order that our sins might be forgiven. That, as far as I'm concerned, is a given. Its not biblical and it actually doesn't make sense to those of us who believe in the triune nature of God.

So if we are not to reject the idea of penal substitution, how do we go about articulating a biblical view of it?

saved? (iii)

2008-02-21T17:39:00.000Z

Wright’s popular level book ‘Surprised by Hope’ was written to give a practical way of understanding what the Christian hope is. He dismisses the idea that salvation is simply about a concern for post-mortem destiny and expresses that Jesus’ primary mission was not about ‘saving souls for a disembodied eternity’ but rather to rescue people from evil in the present time so that they could ‘enjoy, already in the present, that renewal of creation which is God’s ultimate purpose… (Wright, 2007:204). Wright shares his dismay that much of Western Christianity sees salvation as primarily a personal thing between them and God.

The problem arises if ‘we see “salvation” in terms of “going to heaven when we die”, because the main work of the church is bound to be seen in terms of saving soul for that future’ This is a problem if it takes the emphasis off the Church’s much needed work within the present (Ibid. 209) Wright defines salvation as ‘being raised to life in God’s new heaven and earth’ (Ibid. 210). Wright’s understanding of the future bodily resurrection for all believers in Jesus is what he is alluding to in this section. Rather than righteous souls going up to heaven, the new Jerusalem will come down and be completely enjoined with earth to form a recreated and restored heavens and earth (see Revelation 21) and the physical bodily resurrection of all those who followed Jesus will occur as part of this recreation. Alongside this Wright believes that God’s future recreation act has already ‘broken in with the resurrection of Jesus’ meaning that ‘the future rescue which God had planned and promised was staring to come true in the present.’ This means the Church has the responsibility of rescuing people in a holistic way. ‘We are saved not as souls but as wholes.’ (Ibid. 211)

Wright believes that we are very often asking the wrong questions when discussing salvation. He sees how these questions will affect our understanding of the atonement itself. If we are concerned with how we escape hell despite all the wicked things we have done, then the answer will be ‘because Jesus has been punished in your place.’ If on the other hand we are concerned with how God’s ‘future purposes’ to recreate and restore the world will be carried out despite ‘human rebellion’ then the answer will be ‘because on the cross Jesus defeated the powers of evil which have enslaved rebel humans and so ensured continuing corruption’ (Ibid. 211-212).

saved? (ii)

2008-02-20T15:59:00.001Z

The Hope of Israel and the World

We begin the critique by taking a look at the work of Church of England Bishop of Durham Dr. N.T. Wright, particularly his series of books under the sub-title ‘Christian Origins and the Question of God’. In volume one: ‘The New Testament and the People of God’, Wright goes to great lengths to argue that the question of salvation must be seen within the wider view of the hope of the nation of Israel. He states that in this context, the hope of Israel’s salvation is to do with their liberation from their ‘national enemies’ and for the ‘restoration of the Temple, and the free enjoyment of their own Land’ (Wright, 1992:300). Wright stresses that in 1st Century Jewish thought the idea of an individual’s salvation would come from their being a part of the ‘membership within Israel’. This ‘covenant membership in the present was the guarantee (more or less) of salvation in the future’ (Ibid. 334)

In volume two of the series: ‘Jesus and the Victory of God’, Wright sharpens up this argument by focusing on how Israel’s hope of salvation is brought to a climax with the life, death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus. The hope of salvation according to Wright comes under Jesus’ proclamation that the Kingdom of God is now here. When Israel’s ‘god becomes king, the whole world… would at last be put to rights’ (Ibid, 203). Wright makes it very clear that Jesus believed himself to be the means in which God would become King over Israel and thus would bring redemption and liberation to the nation. The climax of this vocation, of course, is found within the crucifixion of Jesus and the strange consequences it entails (Ibid, 594). We must not miss the crucial point that as well as declaring that the time for God to restore Israel had come, Jesus was also declaring Judgment upon Israel. Wright believes this to be because of Israel’s failure to live faithfully as the ‘covenant membership’ in relation to God, ‘for their failure to be the light of the world’ (Ibid, 608). Paradoxically Jesus’ vocation meant that he would take the fate that was lying in store for Israel upon himself. In doing so he would be bringing about the victory over what, Wright calls, the ‘real enemy’, the satan. Through the death of Jesus, God would go beyond simply defeating the pagan oppressor of the time (Rome) but would in fact defeat evil in its entirety, including the quasi-personal powers that opposed God and therefore bringing liberation not just to Israel but to the whole world (Ibid, 608-609).

saved?

2008-02-14T15:14:00.004Z

I'm going to be dropping off sections of my dissertation on to this blog. Here's the first few paragraphs of it (which will actually make up the 3rd chapter):

Much has been said both inside and outside the Church about this particular doctrine [salvation]. Many books have been written explaining detailed theories of how one is saved, why this is the case and what the consequences are of this. There are of course various disagreements as to how one actually is saved. Calvinists believe that God has already foreordained an elect group of people to save and has likewise foreordained those outside this election to eternal wrath and judgment. The Armenian would of course disagree with this and would state that salvation is subject to the freewill of the one who is presented with the gospel message. The receiver of the gospel has the option to accept or reject salvation.

On the theme of how one is saved certain denominations stress the importance of the full-immersion baptism of a believer in order to secure their status of being saved. If one is not literally baptised then one is merely a nominal believer and not a fully saved Christian (this view is particularly prevalent in certain strands of the charismatic movements). Others believe that infant baptism is enough; others say that a conscious decision and knowledge of the ‘baptisee’ needs to be in place; others again (the term is Universalist) believe that everyone whether they have accepted the gospel or not, will finally be ushered into the Kingdom of God, saved by God’s grace and love which will conquer all hard-heartedness and resistance.

It is important to state that much of mainstream Christianity appears to have a very narrow scope of the Soteriology doctrine often reducing it to concerns about post-mortem destiny (what happens when after death and where do I go). If you were to talk to most Christians, either young or old, and ask them what it means to be saved, you will most likely get a reply that says to be saved means that ‘I will go to heaven when I die’. It appears that for many people salvation is the ticket that has bought them out of hell. They were once heading for torture and damnation but thankfully Jesus has done something on the cross that has reversed all this.

We need to ask the question: Is this really what salvation is all about?

forgotten ways

2007-12-13T13:12:00.000Z

Check out http://www.forgottenways.org for a really provocative and stimulating read. If you manage to get on to the blog and have a spare 45 mins. then watch the video of a talk given by Michael Frost. Every Salvationist needs to listen to this.

Brueggemann

2007-11-18T20:55:00.000Z

If you get a chance (And you're in deep with some of this theology stuff) Watch some of the teachings of world-renowned Old Testament Scholar Dr. Walter Brueggemann here at:

http://www.emergentvillage.com/weblog/walter-brueggemanns-19-theses

He offers up some REALLY challenging stuff regarding the violence of God, ways to interpret the biblical text, how certitude causes death etc.

Here's a taster quote I managed to jot down whilst watching. He was asked about the violence in the Old Testament and God's apparent implication of many violent acts in the Old Testament

'God is deeply implicated in violence and is a recovering practioner of violence. All of us who are recovering, never quite get there and we regress, or fight against it or we have to work at it. That includes God'

Quite disturbing really as its a view we normally either try to EASILY dismiss or we try to explain God's violent acts away just as quick.

We need to drop the easy answers and truly wrestle with this image of God in the bible and who he might be in 'reality'... Its a hard exercise which most of us won't quite understand or get.

Awesome

For my Old Testament module I purchased his 'Theology of the O/T' book, which is fantastic... Again if you ever have the time to sit reading theology all day and have the luxury to waste money on books than I'd seriously recommend this book.

I promise I don't get commission

Narrative

2007-11-17T23:30:00.000Z

God and his epic story.

Its something I still struggle with as I'm in a culture that focuses on 'me', 'I', 'individual', 'mine'... You get the picture.

This extends to my tradition thinkings of Salvation. Its about God saving 'me'.
It creeps into my way of life. I want God to bless 'me'. I'm concerned about 'my' relationship with Jesus. Me Me Me Me ME.

Again....you get the picture.

Whilst this isn't a bad thing in itself, and hear me I think these things are important, I'm learning that its not all about... me.

1) We need to hook ourselves in deeper to God's big story. The story that he's extending out to all of us to be a part of.
2) We need to realise that God is for ALL. Not just for 'me'.
3) We need to live in a way that will help others to see the 'bigger picture', that God extends his welcome to them too.
4) We need to realise that God doesn't exactly need 'me' to get his point across, but still.... he does choose to let us in on the action...

Home

2007-11-12T13:02:00.000Z

And so its on to Genesis 2 and 3 as of today! Again, I want this to be not just a study into something detached from my life, but something that I am letting affect my life and my role and my ministry.

I've also got to prepare a for a 15min seminar on forgiveness tomorrow at College. Better get that done!

God is good. I mean like ALL THE TIME.. I know there are going to be times when I forget this yet again, but right now it does indeed feel like you're coming back home.

After Hours

2007-11-11T21:35:00.000Z

The funny thing about sermons is that you can slap a bunch of ideas together and God annoints it and you've spoken something really poigniant. You can work and study and prepare and pray and sometimes it can go horribly wrong...

I feel a little bit in between tonight. It didn't go horribly wrong, but it didn't go fantastically well. I've got lots to learn but it wasn't an altogether awful experience. Has been over a year since I've done one so I'm not too worried.

God is good, I'm hopefully getting better

Everything is Spiritual

2007-11-10T14:58:00.000Z

I think I agree with Rob Bell when he says that 'Everything is Spiritual'..

Or least everything has a spiritual dimension to it... I'm not talking about inanimate objects, rather the people and the things they are involved in..

For example I don't believe that there is a separation between so called 'spirituality' and so called 'secularism'... So just because a Christian may work in a 'secular' job it doesn't mean that what they're doing doesn't have a spiritual dimension to it...

If like N.T. Wright suggests, the followers of Jesus are 'places' where "Heaven and Earth overlap" then how can there be a part of our lives that is simply 'secular'?

Whether we realise or not, every decision we make, the emotions we feel, the passions we have, the relationships we are in all have a spiritual dimension to them. People made in the image of God (so that's everyone, not just Christians!) all contain this spiritual dimension to them. We are all spiritual people.

Of course thats simply my opinion. I could be wrong.

I'll give an example though from my own current life. I've been profoundly moved spiritually by a group called 'Sigur Ros'. They are an icelandic slow-motion rock group. I've listened to their album 'Takk' back-to-back now many times over... They're not a Christian group, or even remotely religious I don't think (correct if I'm wrong)... But God is somehow in this music. Its stirred me spiritually...

I just downloaded some tracks (legally of course!) from their official website (http://www.sigur-ros.co.uk) I sat here and wept at the song 'Olsen Olsen'... God moved and spoke... What a spiritual experience!

Does God work in 'secular' music too?

Think about it.

HEROES!

2007-11-09T18:59:00.000Z

Season 2

Episode 7.

Come on! Awesome Revelations, awesome build up... Taking a bit long, but still edge of your seat stuff.

Bad news coming though. It seems that there's a strike coming to the industry, and they might cut the season short... NO!!

Hope they get their act together.

Life (is) Story

2007-11-08T18:46:00.000Z

I have a story. I struggle with former chapters. I want to rip entire pages out. But I can't. The plot seems be thickening. Maybe there is some depth here after all. I want there to be a happy ever after. I long for a a shift in pace, a hidden plot detail, a hint. Patience. Work on the current chapters and let the following pages look after themselves.

As I prepare for my talk on Sunday, I realise that this will be one of the first times my life is running parallel with my theme.

'From Chaos to Beauty'

A God who works with chaos, with chaotic lives with chaotic people, with a chaotic Creation and moulds it into something beautiful. Its right there - Genesis 1-2.4a, Read it if you can.

v2: 'the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep while a wind (Hebrew is 'ruach' meaning either wind, breath, spirit) from God swept over the face of the waters.'

There's strong evidence to suggest that this 'formless void' isn't a 'nothingness' but actually a messed up state that God brings under his control. He masters the chaos and brings something that he calls 'good' in fact 'very good' out of all of it.

Makes you think about your own life and the possibilities of God doing that with you too.

Can he master the chaos of your own life?

A bigger, better canvas

2007-11-06T23:09:00.000Z

As I continue to read more and more about the Jewish roots of Torah, faith, scripture, hope and Jesus I’m getting more and more excited… Something is happening, like I’m realising that there’s this bigger story out there, a bigger canvas than the one I thought had been painted.

There are so many little things that are changing the way I think about stuff. Take the word ‘Torah’ for example. Most English translations of this word would be ‘Law’..

It immediately conjures up words like : cold, enforced, boring, dry…

What a tragedy when you realise that the word Torah comes from the Hebrew verb ‘yarah’ which means ‘to shoot’ such as shooting an arrow at a target. So Torah is teaching that “hits the mark”. It is more about guidance, instruction, nurture…Its dynamic, its fluid, it takes a group of people who are half useless and points them in a better direction. The Way.

So when Jesus turns up and says that 'I dont come to abolish the Torah but to fulfill it' It strikes me that the direction that Torah has been pointing was to something much better than itself. Someone who can complete the guidance, and nurture of Torah itself. Jesus the Messiah. 'I am the Way.'

I want to be a follwer of the The Way.

My Rock

2007-11-06T12:59:00.000Z

Gemma is a rock.

I mean that. She is a real godsend. We've had a great time over the past 2 weeks. Gem came to London for half term and we did some of the tourist sites and even got to see Parkinson! We had a lovely time with our friends Debbie, Will and Katie, enjoying the very best traditional japanese food... in London :)

Here's a tip. Never go into Hamley's during half term. Too many kids. You'd think a toy shop was for them or something!

I've just spent a long weekend up in St. Helens too with Gem. We attended a dinner held by Gem's work place, Christians Against Poverty. The CAP Client Awards 2007. It was such a moving time. Men and woman who had been sucked into the chaos of debt had been pulled out again and were given fresh hope and dignity.

People crippled by the chaos of debt and given a chance to live a life that is beautiful once more. I was close to tears.

(PS. Give CAP lots of money to carry on their great work! http://www.capuk.org)

Every place we have been and gone has been a real wonder because I was by Gemma's side. To spend time with her has been the greatest thing and will continue to be so.

I love her.

Genesis and then....Genesis

2007-10-31T21:21:00.000Z

So I'm find myself reading through the book of Genesis. When I finish it, guess what?

I'm going to read it again.

And again

And (you guessed it) again.

I think the Lord wants me to speak on it and teach on it. I'm going to be speaking on Gen 1-2.4 this coming sunday evening with a plan for eventually getting through the whole book. I'm not sure how long its going to take (could be months!) but we'll get there.

I tested out some of the material yesterday at Gospel Choir.... It flopped. How come?

Lack of preparation. That's the testimony of my life! Lack of knowledge, lack of confidence in what I'm saying, lack of time set aside...

So today I begin a new way of thinking about how to do this thing.

Courtesy of Mr. Bell of course:

"RADAR - as communicators of God's Word we need to have our spiritual radar on all the time. Preaching preparation is not something we set aside for a specific day each week. We need to be listening to God's promptings ALL the time - while talking to people, while driving down the street, while watching the news, while reading the Bible ... all the time. God can turn an ordinary place into a sacred place, just like he did for Jacob sleeping out in a desert area (Gen.28:10-17). The truth is that God is everywhere and he is speaking all the time. Are we tuned in? How easily we can miss God at work all around us at each moment of the day. Preaching preparation is be a lifestyle. Wake up and get your radar on!

BUCKETS - we need a way to capture these thoughts and ideas as we receive them. Write down whatever moves you. You might choose to use a paper notepad or in a Word file on your computer. But create a heap of buckets to record your insights. If you don't, you'll forget them.

CHUNKS - over time, some of your individual thoughts and ideas will start to connect together with similar thoughts and ideas to form 'chunks'. A fragment starts to form part of a larger story. It could be a Bible verse, a thought from a TV advertisement, something someone said to you, or a reflection you had - all on a similar topic. Begin to chunk them together. They become the foundation for entire messages or segments of messages.

MARINATE - the best meat is marinated! It's tender and tasty. In the same way, the best messages are ones that you have been marinating in your spirit for a while (even for months), not something you threw together on Saturday evening. Ensure that the message is part of you and that it's something you're living out. Allow the Word to become flesh in you. You can't fake this or do it quickly. Allow God's words to become your words. Your teaching will drip with depth and anointing. You will know it and so will those who listen.

As we take time to hear from God, then deliver His message with creativity and passion, His Spirit will use our words to bring about positive change in people's lives. Go for it!"

This is going to be a life changing thing for me. Please pray that I 'get it'..

Two months on..

2007-10-15T19:39:00.000+01:00

And so two months whips by without a care in the world...

I'm a bit confused as to where the time has gone. Life has been a crazy mix of the raptuous joy of being with my girlfriend for nearly 7 months, leadership changes at my church, increased academic challenges (i'm practically reading two books a week now!) and fuzzy thinking regarding my future, whatever might that mean..

I'm craving for a mentor.

I need some kind of spiritual coaching and discipleship desperately and I'm not sure when or where I'm going to get it. The 'D' word is a biggie for me this year as I've realised we've failed dramatically to do it in my church. So I have two main priorities at the moment:

Discipling for myself
Discipling for the young people connected to my church

If people stumble across this blog then feel free to share if you have similar experiences or have any advice :)

time to change

2007-08-16T22:58:00.000+01:00

It is time we realised that Western Democracy isn't the Saviour of the World and that Jesus is.

It is time that we realised the world isn't steadily 'getting better'

It is time we realised that we need to start thinking maturely about confronting Evil instead of blindly lashing out against it.

There is no 'us' and 'them'. We all have the line of good and evil drawn through us. I don't suggest it is a simplistic 50/50 ratio: (our) humanity is of course far too complex, too organic to be compartmentalized like that. We battle with this dualism all through our lives though, living in the image of YHWH or living in the image of other 'gods'.

The more we look to Jesus, the more we train to become like him, the more we reflect God's image. Leaving Jesus behind worshipping the creation means we become more like the gods we make in his stead: power, sex, money, gossip, anger, jealousy, bitterness, the list goes on.

I need to live like the cross of Jesus truly has defeated evil and that I'm anticipating the time when his work in both myself and all of Creation is complete.

The death of 'Super-Craig'

2007-06-28T23:01:00.000+01:00

' I meet so many people who have superwhatever rattling around in their head. They have this person they are convinced they are supposed to be, and their superwhatever is killling them. They have this image they picked up over the years of how they are supposed to look and act and work and play and talk, and it's like a voice that never stops shouting in their ear. And the only way to not be killed by it is to shoot first.
Yes, that is what I meant to write.
You have to kill superwhatever.
And you have to do it right now.
Because your superwhatever will rob you of today and tomorrow and the next day until you take it out back and end its life.
Go do it.' (Rob Bell)

I just realised that I needed to do that. I hope you do it too.

Elvis and Sally

2007-06-27T23:59:00.000+01:00

Read this book.

I'm only a third of the way through, and already I'm getting uncomfortable and thirsty for more of YHWH.

The way Rob is talking in this book, its like he's discovered something about discipleship that I've only ever dreamed of. Is it possible to live like that?

I hope so.

I'm also sure he's gone and unintentionally prophecised over the situation of the Sally Army:

'Here's what often happens: Somebody comes along who has a fresh perspective on the Christian faith. People are inspired. A movement starts. Faith that was stale and dying is now alive. But then the pioneer of the movement - the painter - dies and the followers stop exploring. They mistakenly assume that their leader's words were the last ones on the subject, and they freeze their leader's words. They forget that as that innovator was doign his or her part to move things along, that person was merely taking part in the discussion that will go on ofrever. And so in their commitment to what so-and-so said and did, they end up freezing the faith.

What gets lost is the truth that whoever painted that version was just like us, searching for God and experiencing God and trying to get a handle on what the Christian faith looks like. And then a new generation comes along living in a new day and a new world, and they have to keep the tradition going or the previous paintings are going to end up in the basement.

The tradition then is painting, not making copies of the same painting over and over. The challenge of the art is to take wha was great about the previous paintings and incorporate that into new paintings.

And in the process, make something beautiful - for today.' (Rob Bell)

Two things really.

1) I desperately want God to help me reflect his image more, to no longer be sub-Christian but be the person he called me to be. This doesn't just require me do simply 'do stuff', but being transformed which leads to the service and other stuff.

If you feel the same then join me in praying now.

2) Someone told me that The Salvation Army is a sinking ship. My response is, if you think it is, then jump off and save yourself.
If, rather, like me, you think it needs its crew to patch up the holes in the stern and ask the One in charge to help steer it through the icebergs, then lets refer to point 1), get on our knees in prayer and get on our feet and love.

late night vision

2007-06-26T01:34:00.000+01:00

I think God just spoke to me.

I don't believe I've captured it all 'neatly' but below is what I feel compelled to write. A vision for our Corps at Upper Norwood:

"This is not a forum for you to blow your own trumpet, write books, lead on a pedestal or make your name.

A place where biblical teaching is taught to its fullest, is challenging is God breathed, is vibrant, relevant, life-changing, impacting, breaking.

Where discipleship leads us to think it normal to give, to challenge each other, to love one another and serve one another, each using their gifts and seeing God working in new, old, exciting, life-changing ways.

Youth and old joining hands
Youth work based on biblical teaching which stretches out and embraces ALL aspects of life. Not just souls, not just emotions, not just bodies, but HUMAN.

Prayer is crucial, its central, its you speaking to God and him to talking to you. Dialogue, breathing in deeply what God has to give. Filling our lives with all that is good and gracious and loving and fun!

Teaching, praying, giving, working ,serving, dreaming, feeling, loving.

DISCIPLED, MENTORED young people. Which is the basis and then the corporate worship is based after that."

I better get some sleep.

Putting the nightmares of hell to bed.

2007-06-25T20:15:00.000+01:00

Forgive me for this, but I will have to doing a bit of name-dropping within this post.

I have been wrestling with the doctrine of hell for a long, long while now and seem to have adopted every one of the interpretations of this doctrine at some point in the past few years. This shakiness is due to my current weakness of simply getting swept along by anyone who has a strong enough conviction to make me think otherwise.

I've gone from exclusivist, to inclusivist, to annihilationist, to universalist, to Brian McLarenist, to inclusivist again and I'm currently persuading myself that I actually need to take myself out of the argument for a while and focus on other things. This is primarily because I see the need to develop a much broader, wider theology than simply have a knowledge of one very small drop in the theological ocean.

The most helpful account of the doctrine of hell that I have come across recently comes from the Bishop of Durham, Tom Wright's helpful little book 'Following Jesus'.

In a nutshell he spells out that everyone is invited to partake in worship of the living God, in which faith and baptism are crucial. This results in us reflecting God's image more and more and thus becoming more truly human. The opposite is to persistently refuse to worship him and thus take on the image of other things that we worship, e.g. money, sex, power etc. This results in us eventually losing the image and ceasing to be human. This results in final loss. Now I must state that Bishop Tom also believes that by making the whole subject on hell simply about personal eternal destinations is to miss the larger theme of larger-scale judgment, especially within the consequences of whole nations sinning and seeing disastrious results come about.

We take the fact that Jesus warned the nation of Israel that if she kept on the way she was, she would suffer great loss. AD70, 40 years on after Jesus said this, proved the point. Israel was totally sacked.

Now I sent an email to Bishop Tom today to ask him for some advice for what to do if a young person were to say to me for example 'my cousin died last year and she's not a Christian. I'm afraid she is in hell'. It is pastoral issues like this that I struggle with when discussing the doctrine of hell.

To my pleasant surprise, he graciously replied this evening!:

Thanks for this. I understand the problem! The main thing is to assure
people that God knows everyone's hearts and that his love is all-powerful. I
know this begs the question but in any case the key thing is in any case to
direct peoples' attention to God rather than anyone, however beloved. It's a
tough call. I am certainly not a universalist but I do suspect that some of
our over-clear categories are unhelpful.
That's probably as good as I can do! There is another book coming out in
about 6 months called Surprised by Hope which has a slightly fuller
discussion of the whole question...
Warm greetings and good wishes
Tom Wright

Now thats encouraging on two counts:
1) That it can smash the preconceptions of those who think someone of Bishop Tom's renown would not reply to such an email.
2) That he doesn't skip the question, admits that it is a tricky subject and offers some good, sound advice.

This doctrine is never going to be a comfortable one to discuss, but I think I've currently reached a place where I can comfortably put it to bed for the time being.

Lord help us to realise how ultimately loving, forgiving and gracious you are. I hope we start to take seriously the consquences of our sin, individually and globally and importantly realise that you can transform us, however low we think we've fallen. Amen.

2007-05-15T11:16:00.000+01:00

I don't have much to say today, except that I am very, very happy. God is doing good, new things in my life, and I am loving being in a relationship with Miss Mackay!

I'm still wondering about what I'm going to do straight after my 3rd year course, but I guess its nothing to panic about.

Top of the world!

2007-04-01T20:05:00.000+01:00

God you are good!

These past few weeks have been the fruit of all that wrestling, the tantrums, the shouting and pain hurled at the LORD. All my prayers about God preparing me for a relationship that is blessed by him, and for a woman who will challenge me in my faith and basically be someone I want to live for for have finally been answered! How can I be so sure? Man I don't know where to start with the amount of signs, chats, prayers, positive comments I've had with both God and with others! In fact anyone really busting to know all the details can call me, because its far too intricate to explain in a blog!

All I can say is as far as relationships go I've been once bitten, twice shy, but restored and now 100% confident this is right.
I've had to learn the hard way, in fact both (Gemma) and I have. The stories we've shared, and the way we've crossed over into each other's lives has been so magical, so blessed, so set up by God! I was never sure about soul mates before, but now I'm seriously reconsidering my thoughts!

Hopefully you will meet her one day, meet this beautiful, passionate, faithful woman who has been brought into my life. Pray for us, pray that God will continue to be the centre of our relationship, as we are doing.

Yes Gemma is her name, if you were wondering. My little Gem :)

Craig x

criss-cross and non-violence

2007-03-22T19:46:00.000Z

I'm so happy! After so long, it seems God is bringing me into a time of fresh blessings and its one of the most exciting things I've experienced in recent times. I'm so full of hope and anticipation and after much prayer and thought and conversation, it seems that this is just the beginning!

God sends us people to criss-cross into our lives, who have an impact on us, who shake us up from long slumbers. I praise you LORD!

I also wanted to stick up a poem I'd written last month regarding my thoughts after a lecture on non-violence. Its my musings on the point that Jesus calls us to love our enemies, but the tension with doing something so different in a world chock full of it.

What do we do about a world where killings are the norm?
Where 'animals' rage and media storm?
The powers that be are out of this hand,
There's too too many through the land.
We're getting pulled under,
We're rock bottom,
We're twisted apart,
I wonder
Can YOU make a difference in this place?
Will the world heal from stretched out grace?
I must believe you hear us.
I must believe.

Alive and Kicking!

2007-03-17T23:17:00.001Z

Ok! Updated!

I'll be posting the same stuff on the other blog so my fans on either won't have to switch ;)

I feel so alive today! Infact I feel shattered, but also alive!

I've just come back from our 24/2 prayer weekend, which has been so tiring, but its been such an amazing time to sit before God. I'm really inspired by young people giving their all to God, and its been fab to see it in action. Emma, you particularly have impressed me with your drive and enthusiasm for 'Stop the Traffick'!

Emily and Bailey, you totally rock for getting all the stuff visualised and pieced together. This is God working through the both of you!

Today is a great day to be me! So blessed in many ways. It's times like this that I was alluding to a few posts back :)

Craig

(13 Mar) 9th blog

2007-03-17T22:45:00.000Z

Ok, I guess I thought this was a little interesting. In the bible, when Jesus talks about what we refer to as 'hell', the proper translation is generally 'gehenna'. This was a firey rubbish tip in a valley called the Valley of Hinnom where, in the Old Testament, Israelites would often throw children as sacrifices. God said this was detestable (which is interesting considering many christians think he will do the same to the 'unsaved').

This is a recent picture of the place, which shows it is now a garden. I'd love to go there some time. I heard it gets quite hot.

(12 Mar) 8th blog

2007-03-17T22:42:00.000Z

I love God, I love the idea of the Kingdom of God (what little I understand of it anyway).
I just get so frustrated that I miss the point though... all the time!

I'm missing out on so much at the moment because I can't let go of destructive things.
Is there more to life than wanting to be a particular way but never getting there? Is it pointless to think I'll ever get there? (this side of heaven at least).

God is good, right? God's done so much in my life these past few weeks. I got to do what I like best, and that was to preach. Nothing like preaching in front of your peers! (scary). And its moments like that, that I know were genuinely drenched in prayer and I want more of them. God also spoke to someone through seeing me read the bible on the train that evening too. Those are the times when I know that God is real, that he does want to connect us all up somehow.

I'm so concerned that I'm going to end up alone. Silly to think that at 23, and I really should move on. I guess love and companionship is a big part of who I am and want to be, so its hard to move on from that. I've never felt true (romantic) love for someone else, merely shadows, whispers of what might be. I wonder what its like. I wonder why some people stopping loving their partners also. I always thought that love was the most powerful emotion we had, but its still fragile despite that. Its beautiful, but it withers if not tended to. I want mine to take root and blossom.

Lol, where is she? Does 'she' even exist?

(14 February) 7th blog

2007-03-17T22:41:00.001Z

onight I'm sharing a really fascinating quote that I've paraphrased from Phil Wall (Director of Signify), which particularly talks to my Salvation Army Jargoned life:

"I'm not 'Saved' to 'Serve', but 'Saved' to 'Love'. Duty has no place in christianity, we are far too bound by it, along with programme. This does not mean we have no responsibilities as disciples. Rather it means that we should be loving others, helping the poor, freeing the bound up because of the joy it gives us. Because of the love and grace we have been given, we delight in pouring it out on others."

Good stuff eh?

Following Jesus does something to you. The utter love and fulness that he splatters onto us is one that should cause us to keep on splattering!

I think much of the time in my own life, the desire is there, but either the motivation or infact courage, is missing. I'm now challenged that a lot of this stems from the fact that I've often seen ministry, serving others as the long hard slog, the thing we 'have to do to get brownie points' and not really allowed myself to be immersed in God's love so that it effectively spills out to those around me. At least in later times...

I remember that when I was still working (2-3 years ago) there were those choice times when this happened, when I was able to meet with and impact total stranger's lives because of the grace and love I had been given. Its ironic that since becoming a 'professional christian' my resonance to/with the Holy Spirit, that I believe leads me to such things, has diminished.

Right now as I type these words, I am awakening to the truth that I need the pungent, raw, down-and-dirty presence of the Spirit of God to inhabit my life once more.

I think I'm going to go pray now.

(on a side note, after talking about love, I've just become aware of what day it is today!)

Craig

(13 February 2007) 6th blog

2007-03-17T22:40:00.000Z

Ok so its 1.37am and I'm still up. Do you really want to know why? (because I sure do!).
This is the first serious blog I've written and it comes as the culmination of months of wrestling with God. Like Jacob, I'm in a very sore way and I'm leaving the battle ground a different person...

This is the first part of my musings and I hope I conclude them (because I'm half asleep right now and could fall anytime).

I'm convinced:

That God speaks
That God loves us
That God is desperate to make these two things known to us.

I've actually had to ask the these questions myself and painstakingly experience some sort of an answer.

I hope the following blogs that I write regarding this issue can engage with some of you out there in 'myspaceland', as the question of Jesus' relevance in your life may be one that is plagueing you right now. Or maybe it should be.

A big shout out to all those who prayed for me.

Prayer works - I'm convinced of this too.

Stay tuned

(07 February 2006) 5th blog

2007-03-17T22:37:00.001Z

Just two days left as a 22 year old and I'm not sure that I want to go through with it. I'm not suicidal but I don't particularly feel ready to be 23. I think its because its taken me a whole year to get used to the idea of being 22 and now I have to upset that routine and focus on the next one up from that.. erm 23.

I think life would be much easier if we didn't celebrate birthdays. We'd have more money, and it would mean that there weren't age limits on things, so I could still jump around in that McDonald's ball pool instead of being hauled away like a maniac, because apparently I was 'too old' and might 'upset the other children'... Uh this is hypothetical of course..

(04 December 2006) 4th blog

2007-03-17T22:35:00.001Z

Christmas is coming fast. I'm not a fan. I won't have to buy any cards this year though, because I still have 5 packs of cards that I've had from the last 2 years of forgetting to write them.

(20 November 2006) 3rd blog

2007-03-17T22:31:00.000Z

By the way, does anyone know why we have to take Omega 3? I thought it was for 93 year olds, but I've been told that teenagers should have it. If that's the case then I'm going to hide it in the squash and biscuits at the next youth group I have. Why would anyone want to take fish oils anyway? I'd have it if it made me swim better or breathe underwater, you know, like carrots are meant to give good eyesight or something.

Maybe this is really some kind of pill that tracks your movements, like in The Matrix, where they know what people are up to by watching it on the computer. I suppose it comes out when you're on the loo, so they have to wait until you take the next one. Good point though isn't it?

(17 November 2006) 2nd myspace blog

2007-03-17T22:22:00.000Z

Why does the Cillit Bang man always shout? I would understand if it was for the benefit of hard of hearing people, but we've got subtitles on most TV's now haven't we?

(06 June 2006) 1st myspace blog

2007-03-17T22:20:00.001Z

Hmm well whats going on in the surreal world of CSG? Hmm, I'm finally coming to the end of the first year at uni... too be honest will be a relief to get past this coz it means I'm half way to being qualified! Huzzah! I'm also looking forward to missioning it up in Germany on wednesday, will be fabulous to have a change of scenery and spend some time actually working in the sun instead of working inside, being blasted by the sun into the hot room of our uni.

I've been so awful with my chatting to God, and even acknowledging him these past months, so I'm hoping Germany will help kick start that again.

Excited about carrying on the Spiritual gifts stuff with U.N.Y Allstars... will be great to tackle more of that.

Roll on Sunday :)

'Not quite tomorrow'

2007-03-17T14:32:00.000Z

Ok ok now, it seems that my last post, claiming that I would address a talking point 'tomorrow' is a little bit overdue! I'm kinda blaming the greatness of Myspace for this, I got introduced and never looked back!

I guess there may still be life in this old blog yet though. In fact the main reason for starting this is because of a prompting from a certain special person but we will name no names!

I'm actually going to be a bit cheeky for a start and simply add the (erm 5 or 6) blogs that I posted on Myspace, as they're all part of this rickety, rollercoaster journey that I find myself on. So if you haven't read them, please feel free (there's a bit of silliness mixed in with the more profound stuff, I think I was drinking too much Dr. Pepper at the time!).

If you get through that then you're qualified to read the new material! As for that last post. I'm going to think about what I currently feel on the subject (come on its been a year!) and probably finish it off! What a cliffhanger!

Stay tuned :)

Craig

Whats the big deal? pt1

2006-04-16T23:40:00.000+01:00

So we finally arrive at the 'Big Weekend' for Christianity.

We all know its meaning has been distorted, we all know it's largely been reduced to stuffing our faces with chocolate and making bizarre bonnets and hunting for painted eggs etc. Thats the paganism of this country being mixed up with the gospel. This is not what particularly frustrates me however. What does is the many times I've heard of how the Sunday, the resurrection is the most crucial part of Easter.

Have you ever heard people say
'oh well we need to focus on the resurrection, as thats the most important part'. I have.

Some have objected to this of course, and again I have heard the very cliched 'You can't have one without the other'. But what is the meaning behind that statement? I get the impression it is often the opinion that the Resurrection of Jesus wouldn't be the completing of the story if he hadn't of course died first, and his death wouldn't have been the complete story without the
resurrection. Fair enough, that seems to make sense. But why the big deal? What was his death and resurrection all about?

We'll discuss this tomorrow

Happy Easter

Allegiance to whom?

2006-03-20T16:12:00.000Z

Why do they put themselves on the line for what seems like a totally pointless piece of entertainment?

Why do people sign themselves up to things that just don’t seem to make sense? Why do people live such dangerous lives bringing themselves into situations knowing full well they could get into trouble, or get injured?

Now think about why you got into this whole Christian thing in the first place: Was it because you realised that despite feeling incredibly empty and rubbish at most things, that God was totally the one person you could count upon, he’d never leave you, he wanted to heal you, and that sounded like something worth starting…. A relationship with Jesus?

Or had you been going to church for a while and slowly over time found yourself cross over from merely attending church to wanting to BE church, to be part of the community of God, because of what he’s doing in your life?

Maybe part of it was the thrill of being in a battle against evil, and being part of the church was going off into the world to claim people for Christ and sweeping off to victory against sin!

Maybe you’ve realised that you’re not quite at that point when you have accepted Christ, or actually you think its all pretty pointless… and God probably doesn’t exist… I’m not here to find all that out, but just to say this really..

Whatever your situation, do you realise what a dangerous, dangerous message Christianity contains?

I want to introduce to you to some incredibly dangerous words… Matthew 6

‘Your Kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is heaven’

You know these words may not sound a bit threatening when we first hear them, but actually they are statement that contains explosive meaning. Its like setting a stick of dynamite under your chair, its going to rocket you into a new direction!

To say those words is saying that despite what powers there are in your life over you, what influences are swaying you back and forth, whatever things seem to be controlling you, are going to be knocked out of the way, because your main priority, your whole purpose in life is to see what God desires in your life and this world.

Whatever God wants us where he is in heaven, which is in fact all around us, but we just can’t see it yet, we are claiming to be people who are going to bring it about on earth because that is what he’s calling us to do.

Why is that dangerous? Because we know for a fact that what God wants in this world is almost the complete opposite to what we want a lot of the time and what this nation wants… we know that to live a life with Kingdom of God values, means that we’re going to end up different people. If we let him we could become completely new, and that’s dangerous, because we don’t know what that might be… Its dangerous because there are a lot of people who are around who don’t want what God wants and they may end up hurting us… We may end up putting our lives on the line. Its dangerous because we have to let go of our own lives/

That’s what Christianity is about..

Now I’m sharing this with you now because I reckon that for some of you here, you’ve lost that original meaning to Christianity, that its become either a chore or a thing to do with your mates; or its completely irrelevant and you’re think of packing it in. And I reckon there are people here who simply need a bit of encouragement to realise that what and who they believe in is worth fighting for, is worth dying for, is worth carrying on for.. Because it is!

Your Kingdom Come

2006-02-27T12:44:00.000Z

Hurray for Youth Church! Our 1st birthday yesterday! What a celebration! What a lot to praise God for. So much great stuff has happened over the past year at this place. Last night was no exception!

In fact I would say that last night was probably the most spiritually powerful and uplifting and intense gathering that we've had to date. Thanks to God for touching us in such an awesome, but let us not get complacent, but challenge to carry on praying for your Kingship to break into this world.

Circles

2006-02-15T23:36:00.000Z

'Running in circles, chasing tails
Coming back as we are.
Nobody said it was easy,
Its such a shame for us to part.'

Thats my life, constantly going round and round in one continuous cycle of sin and repentance. I'm tired of being so weak and so untrusting and so utterly unfaithful. I'm tired of waiting and I'm tired living half a life. I'm a long way off from reflecting God's image.

Sally army stuff

2006-02-14T13:09:00.000Z

A group of us went to the Salvation Army Territorial Youth Rally on Saturday
which was really fab. It was a visual feast and also a really nice chance to catch up with people that I hadn't seen in a while. Was interesting watching the Next-Gen Timothies scurrying around doing their jobs. I managed to speak to a few of them, and they seem pretty cool.

I was on the 'Market-place' Team which did not mean I was selling "A pound 'o pears for a pound" but actually going to people, chatting to them, and attempting to get them interested in the ALOVE database and also the brand new replacement Timothy Programme called 'Essential'...

http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/alove for more info.

I'm now a little bit stressed as I've got yet another murderous essay to write as well as the sermon for our 1st Aniversary of Youth Church.

Spent lunch with Adam Knuckey, a fellow ex-tim yesterday. Was nice to catch up with him. He's a great guy and was a really good mate to me last year.

Oh Happy Valentine's day by the way..

There's a war on

2006-02-06T19:47:00.000Z

"Many today write and speak as if the only purpose in following Jesus were to find complete personal fulfilment and satisfaction, to follow a way or path of personal spirituality which will meet our felt needs. That is hardly the point. There's a war on. God is at work in our world; so are the forces of evil; and there really is no time or space for self-indulgent spiritualities that shirk the slightest personal cost, or even resist it on the grounds that all the desires and hopes one finds within one's heart must be God-given so must be realized."

(Extract from commentary on Mark 9.38-50 in 'Mark For Everyone' by Bishop Tom Wright)

Jumbled thinking

2006-01-29T21:20:00.000Z

John Ortberg calls it the 'Honko second'.... I tend to agree, we are a nation that lives in the Fast lane (which incidently still isn't fast enough)... I have lived in this kind of world now for the best/worst part of almost 22 years. Its strange that I've only recently tried writing about this, as its something that is quite often on my mind.

Life goes by far too slowly for me, I want results NOW, I want to see God do something NOW, I want to be sorted in life Now.

Life also goes by far too quickly! My essays are due SOON, my first year will be over SOON, I've got to prepare for Youth Church SOON.

I seem to have the worst of both worlds and what doesn't help is that inside my head is a mass of jumbled thinking. I seem to have both crammed myself with so much 'knowledge' and also lack so much common sense. When I want to say something, generally I can't find the words to say it, or it all comes out totally wrong. I hardly ever THINK before I speak because I want to get my point out asap but I've realised that I can't communicate effectively to anybody if I'm not going to put thoughts behind the things that I say. This isn't the same as when I'm preaching, partly because I have a script with me just in case, and because I've HAD to think about what to say in order to get the message across.

Everyday life though... That's the challenge, thats the big obstacle. How do I not sound like a bumbling buffoon?

Prayer? Therapy?

Who knows, but I don't want to be living a life that is so full of things to say, but never saying them concisely or thoughtfully. Less is more so they say.

My major concern though is just how far I seem to have backslidden since leaving TP. There is no quality in my worship to my God anymore. I hardly pray, I hardly spend anytime in meditation.... I'm just all 'knowledge' and no soul.

And I hate myself for it

mixed bag

2006-01-23T16:02:00.000Z

Yesterday was a pretty mixed bag. We had a Churches together forum, which bored me silly, talking about expenditures and accounts brought forward and drawn cheques etc. I guess these things are essential, but really there was as much enthusiasm and excitement in that room as a poached egg.

Next up we had a Churches together youth service, led by the pastor of the a church near by which is was again quite mixed. Agape (Norwood Worship Band) lead us in worship, man are they great! Love you guys for your true of worship and desire to glorify Jesus in what you do. You're a real inspiration. It was also great to see and hear participation from young people in other churches. This was the first time taht I'd seen alot of these youth, so was really encouraging. Really gets the cogs whirring in my head as to what things we can do to encourage all of this and help it grow. I was a little disappointed with the speaker. She was talking on the relevance of Church for Young people, and it just felt like a rundown of facts and statistics, rather than a mighty challenge to our churches to pull our fingers out, which I think we desperately need. Wasn't really aimed at the young people either. Oh well, I would tend to be overly critical I guess. Still there were some good points!

If we are to do this again though, I really think we need to make it alot more interactive, and fun. Unfortunately a few of the young people left after they had done their bit, so we need to think of ways to engage with them all through the time together.

I don't want to sound like I hated every minute though. This was a good start, we're not used to being together like this so will surely improve the more times we do it.

Unfortunately my day ended by having a massive row with my dad. Wasn't over anything particularly important but we just wound each over up so much and ended up saying a lot of things we regret. Just gets me so frustrated sometimes.

Busyness

2006-01-21T15:48:00.000Z

Well this week has quite possibly been my busiest yet! Started my community placement (Tons of paperwork) and also Sports Cells, which was really fab. I'm looking forward to seeing both those things bear real mighty fruit.

We have our Churches together worship service this Sunday evening, which I'm hoping is going to be a real wake up call for a lot of people to see just how awesome the young people in this church community are. Our corps worship band is leading the worship for this event, which I know is going to be really amazing.. They've grown up so much, both musically and spiritually - You guys rock :)

Mid-Jan ramblings

2006-01-17T15:19:00.000Z

Lots has happened in the past few weeks,

We had our January Youth Church, entitled: New Life, Which was another very blessed time of fellowship, teaching, worship and fun etc. I love these Sundays. Really fab to be with everyone and see them engaging so vibrantly with the Lord.

I'm starting at my community placement tomorrow after uni! Finally got it all sorted. I'll be working at a youth centre called Streetwise, which looks to be very challenging, so I'll have to have my wits about me.

I'm also trying to formulate youth advisory council type thing, which will mean us meeting together at the end of the month to discuss various youth-related topics. Looking forward to this as I see it as a key part the future of the vision for youth at our church/corps.

I know I've been a bit slack lately with writing here. I need more motivation really. Hoping to jot down so more theological ideas and concepts etc, when I get the time. Have been thinking and reading alot about Jesus, his vocation, did he believe he was God etc... which has been very challenging. Will hopefully share some of this stuff soon.

retreat

2006-01-03T22:43:00.000Z

Well the Timothy2 retreat was really great. Was wonderful to see the guys again and to catch up with what they've been doing. Its a shame that we'll never be as close as we once were, but I just need to grow up and accept that. The sessions were good. It was really one big opportunity to reflect on the past year and to have a think about our hopes and dreams for the future. This was capped off with some hang-time with the Timothys but I must say we didn't really get the chance to talk much which was a shame.

I'm not looking forward to getting back into everyday normal life, but I guess its inevitable and will be better once I'm in the swing of things again.

I really need to start reading my bible... Gosh how do I expect to teach and preach God if I'm not reading it?? Stupid. Anyway, I've now got Youth church to prepare, and with a few people missing, it's going to be a really push, but hopefully will come off ok again.

Gandhi - Searching for God

2006-01-03T00:36:00.000Z

I had the great fortune to watch the film 'Gandhi' today. What a man! I've heard bits and bobs about him all through my life, but its something entirely different to watch and actual movie based on his life. An incredible man, on a search for God spreading an amazing message throughout his native India and beyond. This is definitely one man I hope to shake the hand of when creation is restored.

Here is a sample of his nonviolence teaching

'The concept of nonviolence (ahimsa) and nonresistance has a long history in Indian religious thought and has had many revivals in Hindu, Buddhist, Jain and Christian contexts. Gandhi explains his philosophy and way of life in his autobiography The Story of My Experiments with Truth. He was quoted with saying:

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind".
"There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for".
In applying these principles, Gandhi did not balk from taking them to their most logical extremes. In 1940, when invasion of the British Isles by Nazi Germany looked imminent, Gandhi offered the following advice to the British people (Non-Violence in Peace and War):

"I would like you to lay down the arms you have as being useless for saving you or humanity. You will invite Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini to take what they want of the countries you call your possessions.... If these gentlemen choose to occupy your homes, you will vacate them. If they do not give you free passage out, you will allow yourselves, man, woman, and child, to be slaughtered, but you will refuse to owe allegiance to them".' (Taken from wikipedia)

This last sentence particularly spoke to me as the reader might have guessed from reading earlier posts. I always wondered about what a country should do under attack from another. Israel did it too under the rule of pagan nations, particularly the Romans. All tyranny comes to and end. This is loving one's enemy and not returning evil with evil.

I'm off to the Kairos centre tomorrow for a Timothy2 training day. I'm not expecting much as I kind of know what will be happening, as this time last year I was doing the exact same thing. So we'll see how it all goes. It will be very strange to be in the Timothy atmosphere and not actually be among the 1st year Tims.

Goodbye 2005/Aye up 2006

2005-12-31T23:54:00.000Z

Well one year over and another just beginning

Going into 2006 with fresh optimism

Happy New Year to All

Seasons greetings

2005-12-24T16:14:00.000Z

Twas the Nigh before Christmas and Craig had only just wrapped up his presents..

Well the day is nearly upon us... Still doesn't feel like Christmas, but then like anything, its not all about emotional connections to things.

I'm looking forward to our family meal together and the carols by candlelight at Norwood.

Anyway I wish everyone a great time tomorrow. Try not to stuff your faces too much and enjoy the festivities etc.

Craig

King Long

2005-12-22T20:25:00.000Z

Saw King Kong today... Was very good but long at 189mins.

I'm still not into the festive mood. Hopefully will lighten up for the 'big day'

Merry Kitschmas

Christmas fear

2005-12-20T12:26:00.000Z

'Twas 5 days before Christmas and all about the house
Were piles of presents wrapped up by Dad's spouse.
Though seemingly not long til Christmas would come,
Craig wasn't in the mood and just sat on his bum.'

Am I the only one who doesn't feel like the stench of Christmas is upon us? It just doesn't feel very festive at the moment. I don't know if that's because I haven't particularly had much to do with carolling or christmas parties this year. Maybe thats what is.

To be honest I just want to get it over with now and get back to doing some productive stuff. Not that I am overlooking the christian meaning to it all, but it has thankfully been quite easy not to get trapped in the commercial distortion of what this festival now means. We've turned Christmas from a pagan festival into a celebration of the incarnation, back into a time where we worship the gods of money and possessions... Christmas is largely now about 'buying things'

I want to pray for all those silly people who will rack up stupid amounts of debts because of over-spending on present buying, I want to think about all those poor pets who will be the pride of xmas for some kids and then a few days later either kicked about or abandoned in a garbage heap. I want to pray for those homeless people hanging round near fairfield halls who would be happy with a roast pidgeon, let alone a turkey. I want to say sorry for my lack of input into making anyone's time over the next few weeks at least a bit happier. I want to say sorry for how we as a nation spend too much time on our Playstation Portables then being 'Portable PRAYstations' For everyone who will experience Christmas fear rather than Christmas cheer.
Have mercy Father

Roar!

2005-12-13T23:59:00.000Z

Well two good things today:

Got the the volunteer post at Streetwise youth centre and saw Narnia today.

Not a bad day at all by any means.

I'm still worried about my main placement. Will be having some kind of assessment soon I guess (someone actually coming to the placement to assess the youth work etc) I'm very worried that its not going to be up to the standards of their criteria.... I wish Oasis would understand that it takes time to get these things up and running.

outtake tv

2005-12-12T16:13:00.000Z

Well finished my practice recording (yes) with a whole day to spare as well!

Had a fab time at our community? carol service. There were many things that could get sent on to 'You've been framed' eg. Angel Gabriel tripping up and skidding along the floor after giving his lines and someone nearing knocking a gigantic flag over, oh and the 3 wisemen actually forgetting how to get to the baby Jesus! This is how nativities should be!!

Been asked to possibly play one of my songs for next sunday meeting which means I need to finish writing one of my songs..... Should be ok.

He does you know

2005-12-11T01:21:00.000Z

God bless all you Fairfield Boys and Girls today. Don't let the stress get the better of you. I'm sure you'll all rock the place!

Brenda I'm sorry you're out, the competition will miss you hun.

Westlife won the record of the year? - pah! - and its yet another cover - pah!

Xmas shopping? - need to start!

Jesus is still King! - Glory!

This means war

2005-12-09T00:18:00.000Z

I just realised that someone posted a comment about my post to pacifism. They basically said how does Jesus turning over the tables at the temples fit in with the peace-making concept. I thought it would be worth adding my reponse to the main page, not out of arrogance but just so others can have a think about what Jesus was aiming for during this event.

Craig: "Hey, thanks for posting. Hmm I can understand the gist of what you're saying.

This certainly puts away all the 'gentle Jesus meek and mild' thoughts.

Jesus' act of turning over the tables in the temple was an act of judgement. The temple was at the centre of Jewish worship. It was meant to be the place where Heaven and Earth met, where God actually Lived and met his children, where sins were forgiven. Yet, we have Jesus doing many things in his own authority, that challenged everything that the temple stood for. He was claiming to forgive sins himself. The temple at that time was also regarded as corrupt and in need of reform. Jesus' was basically saying this: This place has no longer any right to be the home of God. What was going to replace it?
The Very Reverend Tom Wright says this: ' What the temple stood for - the saving presence of Israel's God at the very centre of the world- would be summed up in the violent death, at the hands of pagans, of the young Jew who carried on his shoulders the pain and grief of the whole world. This was how sins would be forgiven. This would be how God would embrace the whole world.'

So I'm sorry for the long answer, but I hope that you get the picture of the uniqueness of Jesus act. This wasn't an act of war against people, but a judgement against all that the temple stood for and what it would mean he would soon need to do.
Jesus says: Love your enemies"

By the way I forgot to mention what my response in what you said about if there are no alternatives to war to sort out issues then what happens?

I would say that ideally it should never have got that far. War is generally either failure to listen, or an horrific way to boast one's own country's nationalism. Ideally we nations should be able to sit down with each other and talk things through like adults. If war does happen for whatever reason, it should never be taken likely, or be seen as something good. The act of killing people is Evil. "You will not murder".

hiccough (need some heavenly medicine)

2005-12-08T23:41:00.000Z

Haven't posted for a while. Whats been happening?

Well I've spoken to relevant people about the lack of a youth team at my main placement. I have been given really helpful advice and hope that it can be implemented after Xmas. I've also finally got an interview for my potential community placement.

Unfortunately some of my friends at Uni are in a really bad state. Some are thinking about quitting the course. It makes me sad that they're going through such pain. Whilst I can't totally understand it, I've had similar problems and feelings (Check out earlier posts for evidence of this.) I wish I could help provide answers, but thats not going to be possible. But they know I'm here for them and supporting them 100%. Still wish I could do more though.

Youth Church was one of the best ever. The theme was 'Peace'. I hardly think it was one of my best talks, but the response, especially during the prayer stations time and the sung worship was really amazing. God's awesome power and majesty was really potent in the place. It was so wonderful to see the young people engaging with God in such a wondeful way. I must say that the house band 'AGAPE' were a massive part in aiding the evening. Despite missing their lead singer, they did an outstanding 'job' and really helped to lead us into God's presence.

I'm having an almighty spiritual hiccough at the moment. Wish I wasn't, but this is baggage I've carried around for over 3 years now. Currently feeling it'll never go. I'm too weak to progress from this particular sin.... I know its down to God's power, but I also need to make an effort, which I'm not doing.

Hoping the Prince of Peace will help me through this.
I don't need my heart to get any harder... I want to feel grief and sorrow and repent. That's my major prayer for current times.

awesome

2005-11-28T21:46:00.000Z

This weekend just passed has been really awesome. I got to spend some time with awesome people (My youth group) doing some awesome things (Saturday Harry Potter and Sunday seeing Delirious? at Hillsong).

I've got a lot of dreams and aspirations for this church, most of all the youth scene. I'm not up to the task but I know God is. I need a good kick up the backside a lot of the time. I don't want to let them or Him down.

Love your enemies

2005-11-26T16:04:00.000Z

Hmm

We were talking about Pacifism on Thursday. Its something I've just never really considered. Events like November 11th really make you think about war and killing etc. I guess it makes. If Jesus commands us to love our enemies, then should we be ruling out war? Is there such a thing as a just war? Are there ways around it? I was thinking about World War 2... why did that happen? could it have been prevented? Were we in any way to blame for it..? Like I might have said before, War seems to be a failure to listen to each other. Whilst I admire those who are giving their lives for freedom, whilst I could never ever be disrespectful of what they have brought and bring us.... I wonder if it should ever have come to drastic measures like that in the first place.

We are such a corrupt, and self-righteous race of beings... Lets look at Iraq again - We rant against "Evil people" such as Saddam, but hold on, didn't the western world equip him in the first place?? Isn't it our weapons that he has used? The same with Al-Quaeda... Isn't it ironic that one day we could get bombed by our missiles that actually say "Made in Britain?"

Ok before I start sounding incredibly self-righteous myself, I'll confess to my own failures to meet this command. How many times have I completely disrespected and hated people? How many computer games have I played that involved someone beating up or shooting someone else? How many movies have I seen someone thrust a sword into another person?

Loving one's enemies and having nothing to do with violence is one of the hardest things to do. We are saturated in it. Yet its entirely possible. Jesus did it. I'm sure he can help us to do so too. Will we ever wise up to this?

hahaha

2005-11-15T16:05:00.000Z

I'm sorry put this has to be one of the funniest pics I've ever seen.

For more hilarious and outrageous antics (caution, some material may be deemed offensive) check out www.landoverbaptist.org

Remember

2005-11-14T16:51:00.000Z

Rememberance day... Its very hard to remember something that you weren't around for. It's very hard to reflect on a past that although had an impact on the present, never really impacted me directly. Maybe I sound flippant. I'm just writing honest thoughts. I'm so fortunate to see my own thoughts mature in this way. Just three years ago, I didn't really bat an eyelid to 11/11. In fact I remember the horrendous occasion at work, when I pretty much made a mockery of the whole 2mins silence.
Thankfully I've grown up a little since then!

It is hard to remember something that you weren't around for, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't respect the occasion. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be grateful for those countless millions who gave their lives for freedom and peace. It doesn't mean that you can't reflect on the times during your own life that war and turmoil has occurred. War is unfortunately a constant reminder to me that we are in a struggling mess as a race. It is something that has happened throughout out almost the entire span of our existance, and it is something that will continue to outlive those living on the planet today.

Why does war happen? What causes it? Why is it STILL happening? Why can't we learn from the mistakes of the past? War seems to show that we very much still hold the values of the Kingdom of Man rather than the Kingdom of God/Heaven. It is one of the most evil acts of that humanity has conjured up.
It is often very portrayed that there is a 'good' side and a 'bad' side during a war. Unfortunately our very western thinking tends to lead us to the assumption that we are the 'goodies'. The war in Iraq... This has often been seen as the Western righteousness (good side) vs Eastern evil (bad side).... Or even just as dangerously Christianity vs Islam.

Our leaders may indeed be professing themselves to be Christians or whatever, but they are still human and they still make mistakes. Let's think back to 1st Century palestine. The Jews are waiting for their Messiah who will conquer the Roman opppression and lead Israel to freedom. They foresaw a great political warrior King, a champion superman who would bring the sword to all those who opposed Israel. Never in a million years did the majority of them expect that the Messiah would come as a servant to all. They never expected the Messiah to preach a message of LOVE TO OUR ENEMIES. Not the sword. Never would they have expected the most beautiful moment in history, the rescuing of not just Israel but also the entire world, to come from his hideous death on the cross. That is the God being crowned King of his Kingdom.

That is the climax of all of creation. That is the Kingdom values we too often forget.

Love the Lord your God will all your strength, will all heart, will all your soul. Love your neighbour as you love yourself.

the great man...

2005-11-08T00:34:00.000Z

I currently have a new 'hero for the moment' His name is Sir Rev. Dr. John Polkinghorne, and I had the great pleasure of attending a lecture of his entitle "Destiny after death". This man is an absolute genius! He's got doctorates coming out of his ears, won prizes for science and religion, and is an utterly likeable fellow.

I really enjoyed his take on the soul, Heaven/Hell, death and evolution vs creationism etc. I know some of you reading this would probably rather watch pain peel from the walls, but it's something I found incredibly stimulating. Much of what he says, I agree with except his belief that God chooses to limit his omnipotence. I haven't really got a coherrent argument against that at the moment, but there is something that makes me feel slightly uneasy when I think about this. Oh well. I think I'm going to buy his new book and bore everyone to death with more theology speak... lol

youth church (Light)

2005-11-05T00:39:00.000Z

Hmm well I've not been very bothered to write. I guess that's coz nothing major has happened.

Well I needed to jot down that We had our first youth church last sunday for a long time. I hadn't spoken publicly for over 3months (since I was in Latvia) So I was really anxious. If I'm totally honest it was a bit choppy, but there were also some really wonderful moments that I believe the Spirit of God really flowed through. A part about if God can use one messed up person like me to achieve stuff, then just think what he could do with a whole room of us? Think what he could do with a whole city? with a whole county, with a whole country etc... I didn't write any of that... That suddenly just came out...

Enough about me though, what was so important and uplifting was the way in which everyone really seemed to be engaged in worship to YHWH. Really made all the work worthwhile.

2005-10-26T23:10:00.000+01:00

Hmm well I think it's good to mention that I'm slowly on the mend as far as life is concerned. Reading that book is helping as it's pointing out all sorts of things that are really relevant eg. Making time prayer, making time for solitude, making time for Joy! I spoke to my mate Carl who flew down from sunny Bradford on Monday. At the end of the day (we spent 3hours in Pizza hut and 2hrs in Starbucks!) I left feeling really invigorated. Just chatting about our Salvation Army heroes (namely Russell Rook and Adam B) really seemed to work wonders for me, and I felt something that I haven't in along time: PASSION

Just recollecting all the stuff that they've done, is starting to help me (Obviously God is getting all the glory! I'm not into hero worship) remember what it was like when I was totally fired up for God. I'm a long way off from wherever it is I'm hoping to be, but this is a great start. I sense God is 'fixing' me yet again.

It's all good :)

e ssay you should have started it by now

2005-10-23T00:52:00.000+01:00

Well I've finally started my essay! After wasting far too many days.. I decided to start it late afternoon today... I really need to work on my organisation as I can't really afford to do this again. Currently on 633 of a needed 2000 word essay. It should be finished by monday at the latest.

Went to some songster thing today at Croydon. Was ok, but very long. Twisted my ankle yesterday, and kept resting on it by accident..

Oh well! Here's to sunday morning services! Gone be talking a tiny bit more about youth church, and then I'll have to think some other interesting thing to say! I'm praying that I'll get some inspiration during the meeting

Peace

boundary markers

2005-10-20T00:29:00.000+01:00

I've been a bit naughty today. Today should have been the day that I start my assignment. Today was actually the day that I didn't do it. Thankfully Thursdays still exist, so I will be concentrating on it tomorrow.

Managed to read a bit more of the book 'Life you've always wanted'. There's a part that I can particularly resonate with, that talks about 'boundary markers'. These are basically ancient 'traditions' that we as a church seem to put up in order to make sure we are different to everyone else. This is not a positive thing. It's about us being 'in' and others being 'out' also eg... If a pastor was so full of pride and self-centredness inside, but was still preaching to increasingly growing numbers, then we probably wouldn't bat an eyelid too much. If though, he was seen smoking, then there would be an uproar. No one would say that it was more evil to smoke then to be full of pride, but it's been so ingrained into us that smoking is wrong for a christian to 'do' that we would probably rant about it more so than what is the more destructive sin.. (this is a hypothetical situation by the way).

I think about the Salvation Army and it's boundary markers. Our uniforms to distinguish us from the '2nd class' attendees to our corps and even to give us an 'identity' amongst other churches. The musical sections that won't let 'outsiders' in because it's 'always been this way'. The religious jargon that is used every sunday, that means total newcomers go away leaving perplexed. Why are we so obssessed with wanting to be so different from everyone else? This isn't being in the world but not of it, this is more like 'let's create our own little world in which we can be 'gods' of and no one else can join'.

That is not the Kingdom of God at work. This is a challenge that I, and the Church face. So what are we going to do about it?

there must be a God

2005-10-19T00:15:00.000+01:00

There must be a God! The amount of crap stuff that I have said to people lately, and the fact that they still want to know me is unreal! And these revelations aren't just everyday comments, but actual deep and personal disclosures of what I am really like as a person. I'm personally getting see that I've got true friends. They know much about who I really am, and still they want to hang out with me.... Just blows the mind!

What's even more amazing is that God knows EVERYTHING about who I really am. Every sordid little detail. Everything that other people might of missed or not known, He not only knows but was there to witness it happen... And He still loves me? Whoa! that's some love! that's Love with a captial L!

I'm wondering if very soon, I will be looking back on these posts and thinking "wow I was messed up back then". I'm getting the feeling that there is some reconstruction work already commencing. Tiny little pieces of my life might just be coming back together. God please don't stop. Heal me of these things. I've been as honest as I can with most of my personal stuff. Most of it has been shared with people. Please fill in those holes with your goodness and purity.

I now think it is time to acknowledge my praise to a song that has been a part of this process of me starting to get back on track. I'm sure it's a godly thing. It's called "The scientist" and it's by Coldplay. I think I've listened to it at least a few times a day everyday for around 2months solid. It's one of the most the most beautiful songs that I know of, and seems to have lyrics that have fitted me perfectly
Here they are:

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I’m sorry,
You don’t know how lovely you are

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh let’s go back to the start

Runnin’ in circles,
Comin’ up tails,
Heads on the silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessin’,
At numbers and figures,
Pullin’ the puzzles apart

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh and I rush to the start

Runnin’ in circles,
Chasin’ our tails,
Comin’ back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I’m goin’ back to the start

get by with a little help from my friends

2005-10-17T13:57:00.000+01:00

Friends are great aren't they? My biggest shock to the system, is the realisation that I do actually have friends my own age after such a long time. If God is community, and we are made in his image, then we can only be truly ourselves when we are also in a community.

After the isolation of Timothy last year, I am now in a class of at least 20 people who I see at least twice a week. These are peers who are going through similar things to me. These are people who can relate to me and me to them. I suddenly rememebered my prayer from months back when I asked God to send some people who be friends to me. And here we are. My biggest worry is that I've spent so much time byself, that I can't actually socialise with these people. I'm stuck on 'comedy Craig' defense mode at the moment. But I need to shut him down and be myself.

I can't over look the wonderful potential of friends that I could make over the next few months and years. I need people.

More importantly I need God. This week I need to make a huge effort and spend some time praying etc... Mark has just lent me a book by John Ortberg, which I will wade through. Maybe it will help. I hope so. I don't want to feel only half-alive at the moment. I want to feel free and loved by the creator God. I know I am, but I want it to seem real to me.

Coming back to friends though, they have been so amazingly supportive. I hope that I can be an encouragement to them as they have already been to me.

abstaining and all that

2005-10-15T23:35:00.000+01:00

Right - I am taking an abstinence from girls...

They shouldn't be such an impact in my life. I've forgotten my first-love and that's God..

YHWH please give me strength!!!!!!!

published ! in your face Bill Gates!

2005-10-13T22:13:00.000+01:00

Hmm.... well there 'should' have been a post yesterday, but just before i could push the 'publish' button, the internet conked out.... grrr...

Anyway, not much to say except that yet again the week has gone far too fast... I've now only got two weeks to prepare for Youth church and also my next assignment, so I've got my work cut out!! Need to be sorted with God and also need to stop the idolatry (there's plenty of 'gods' to choose from unfortunately). Anywayz am going to Hillsong on Saturday with some mates from Uni... I need some kind of spiritual shake-up maybe this will help..

Peace

Powder

2005-10-10T23:36:00.001+01:00

I watched a film today that I haven't seen for 10 years. It's called 'Powder' and it's about an albino teenager called Jeremy Reed. It's a tragic tale, as all through the movie, he's rejected and made to feel lonely by the people around him. He even spends most of his life in the basement of his grandparents house.

We find out that he has read and memorized every book in his house and that his IQ actually makes him the most intelligent person ever to have lived. But things also become a bit stranger as he reveals he has a special affinity with electricity (he's like a living magnetic force or something) as he goes from performing simple 'spoon tricks' to disabling any electronic equipment around his being (He can't watch a TV without the picture distorting).

What is most moving though is his connection to living creatures, he can 'look' into people's true selves and read their thoughts and experience their emotions, by touching them he can communicate and show them parts of themselves that they never knew existed... He acts a bridge between a comatose woman and her husband and helps them speak to each other one last time.

But still he's not accepted into our society. Still he's bullied and feared and come the end he decides that there's only one place for him to go...

Not wanting to turn this page into a film critique, I nevertheless wanted to make a comment: Can we ever, as a human race, be as kind and compassionate, as thoughtful, as connected to life as this character? One man was, and that was the true image of God reflected in one man. The God-man. If we are all reflections of the image of God, can we possibly get close to knowing what it's like to be truly human? I know it's something I will always struggle with as I daily distort this image for one that I'd rather choose myself. The danger is that I start to reflect less of the divine image and become less human.. more inhumane... But I don't want to. I want to be truly free, truly human just like my saviour.

get a (prayer) life

2005-10-06T22:53:00.000+01:00

Week 2 is nearly over.... I've had yet another 2 good days of uni and a couple more opportunities to get some stuff arranged... I went to check out my potential community placement (not a jail sentence) which is called 'Streetwise' and is based in Anerley hill or thereabouts.

As I try to adjust to student life, I still ponder on the fact that I still don't have much time to acknowledge YHWH as Lord of my life... Wrong ain't it.....
No one can make me pray or read my bible or meditate etc... it's got to be something that I choose myself. Right now though, I don't seem to be bothered.
Would appreciate prayers for this.

Craig

can't think of a title

2005-10-01T14:15:00.000+01:00

It's been a pretty interesting week. First time at studying properly for 4 years. I've really enjoyed it. It's so much better then doing nothing! I just finishing off my first essay too, which needs to be sent for Wednesday. We have assignments every other week, so it means that I'm going to be very busy!
Had a slight worry as I've not yet properly organised what I'll exactly be doing at my UN, but hopefully things should be a lot clearer this week. Mark and Linda have really been awesome, and I couldn't ask for any better support.
Yesterday we went to Nikki's leaving party, which was really nice. Carl managed to make it, which I'm sure was a really great surprise for Nikki. They all did a great job of keeping it all secret! Tonight I'm going to a boat party on the Thames with the rest of LSE youth. Been twice before, and I must say it should be a pretty fab evening.

My main action point at the moment is really to start up my devotionals again. Praying and reading the bible would be good to do... I miss hanging out with God in that respect. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk. Hopefully, now I've got something to aim for, I'm going to be more motivated - Not that I should need an event like that to make me want to spend time with God though. In fact my spiritual life should be the foundation.

shorty

2005-09-27T23:43:00.000+01:00

Arrrgh! I'm getting totally stressed over uni! I'm not sure if I can cope with all the work.

Only time will tell. At least I get a snazzy N.U.S card.
I met some amazing people too.

Can't be bothered to right lots today. Will do so later on.

finally some hope!

2005-09-18T23:37:00.000+01:00

Well I finally got that magic text message today to say that The salvation army is going to put up the cash to fund my placement for Oasis Course! Whoa, thank you Lord! I can't help but laugh at the fact that I was told the DAY BEFORE I LEAVE to start the induction to my course!

Oh well! That's ace. All I need now is to get the grant from the LEA and my fees are pretty much sorted... Yesss!
I apologise for the few days lapse in blogging, but I 've seriously not had ANYTHING worth to say. Unless you wanted me to list every DVD and TV programme, and CD I've listened to, I thought I'd wait until something interesting cropped up. I don't know what to think or feel about this coming week, except that I'm definitely looking forward to it. It will be so nice to actually do something, and to be somewhere where there are lot's of people around my age, who are wanting to do the kind of things that I want to do. I'm a bit worried that I've secluded myself a bit too much over the past few weeks. I did need this time by myself, but I hope I can get back to actual social behaviour. Only time will tell I guess.

So please think of me as I get up before 6 to jump on a coach which takes me 2 and a half hours up to the golden shores of Leicester. I'm going to be VERY grouchy, I'm totally not a morning person, and so could possibly kill someone just by starting at them. Hopefully not though.

Hopefully the ridiculous melodramatic posts that I've created in the past few weeks will slowly start to disappear as I intergrate myself back into society... But at least you can't say it wasn't entertaining!

Will update in a weeks time (when I'm back)

don't even ask why i'm posting this...

2005-09-13T08:57:00.000+01:00

Bland day, bland surroundings, but I feel better also. I need to get myself a sexy mp3 player or the equivalent in order to get some song clips online for people to hear. I've currently only got some stupid soundrecorder on mircrosoft, which frankly won't cut it at all.
I've had a couple of replies from muso.co.uk from my advertising of band members... not quite ideal as the best response seems to live in guildford..... and the rehearsal space is either there on in Ashford, which seems to be an amazing place, but it's far too expensive to get there by train.. and that's before the rehearsal costs. But we'll see... I'm hoping I'm gonna meet at least one person during my induction week in Leicester, who will be interested in the whole band thing... Here's hoping!
For those who are interesting in the love-life (or lack of) comments I've been posting, I'm now ready to reveal what happened in Nottingham... drum roll...... Stayed with a girl who I really like (really she's so beautiful and wonderfully kind... she's THAT amazing...) over thursday-friday... Things are going a bit crappy for her at the moment, so I thought the last thing she wanted was for me to profess my undying love for her... infact I made a huge effort not too. Instead I simply wanted to spend time with her.. We had a great time, went to various places, went out to Rock city on Thursday night, I met all her friends (who are great by the way) everything's going well, 5mins before we leave, I turn around to see her kissing this guy........

Freeze-frame

Now get this straight, on no account am I saying that she shouldn't have... It's perfectly normal for a girl to kiss a guy at a club right?
But it still hurt. I'm sure a punch in the face wouldn't have felt much worse... Was that my sign that it just wasn't meant to be?

I don't know... all I can tell you is that at that moment.... It hurt. Especially because I've not allowed myself to be attracted to anyone for a long time now. I've been so hurt in other relationships.. But we're not even IN a relationship! That's the stupid part right? I don't love her, I don't have amazingly strong feelings for her, I just thing she's cool. So it shouldn't have hurt like that....
Its worse that she still keeps txting me, and that she's moving to London (nearby), and that she's most likely not gonna see that guy again... I think the worse part is that it WAS just a casual kiss... she's as human as anyone. It's unfair for me to make her out to be someone that no one can achieve... Nobody's perfect.. thats what happens...
It was just a stupid kiss you moron, so get a grip of yourself....
The prize for hilarious melodrama goes to me....

distortion of reality (c'est la vie)

2005-09-12T07:44:00.000+01:00

First off, check out Antony & the Johnsons - mercury prize winners... weird but beautiful vocals and totally over-the-top melodic arrangements... Sweet stuff :)

Just finished watching the Russel Crowe film 'A Beautiful Mind'. It's interesting how one can totally lose grip on reality in such away. Reality becomes distorted in such a way, that whole friendships, experiences, and ways of life are completely conjured up. I can't think what it must be like, and no I'm not going to now link that into a preach about how I'M losing grip on reality, or schizophrenic, because I'm not.... What I am going to say though, is that there is a very large distortion in my life. It's how I look at myself, how I think about myself, how I currently view anything religious and worldly, my take on what the future holds, on what people really think about me, my relationship with girls, my relationship with my father and countless other stuff that would take too long to mention. I'm worried that I'm slipping away from what it means to be me. I'm worried that I'm going to end up making some really stupid mistakes.

Here's verse 2 and 3 to that song:
Looks as though this boat is sinking.
I'm sharp, but I don't feel like thinking.
Why the sudden move against my failing charm?
Optimism feeds the faithful,
Humbles me but makes me graceful.
Stops me making huge mistakes that cause me harm.

Myriads of time surpassing.
Feeble talents need no asking.
Stupid questions haunt the walls
Of broken love within.
Seeing to much life will break me.
Fill me, mould me, tend me, make me
Part of this.... Please begin.

We were made to be together
Death and life, for worse for better.
You could be the one forever
Who I'll always love.

Firstly: What the hell is this?!? Why am I writing such obviously melodromatic stuff? What the heck is going through my mind to make me write about hearts being broken and life that breaks me..... I don't even know that answer. All I do know is that I'm fragile - that I feel like I could rip in to at any given moment.... Maybe the best way to express myself is just to channel it into music. I sure as hell can't talk to anyone about it. I've had far too many conversations about this with others before, and I don't want anyone thinking that I'm just doing this for attention. The reason, I'm typing this is because I'm not saying it face to face with anyone.

Oh yeah, the most important thing. You're probably thinking ' man give it all to God, he'll sort you out'. You know what? . God is real, but at the moment he doesn't 'feel' real.
But I WILL get over this.. I'm merely going through a little emotional trauma right now. Most likely tomorrow, I'll be better, less tired and will put it all down to fatigue. But I when I look back to this post, I need to remember that right now on 12.10am 12/09/05 these emotions hurt. I simply want them to go away. That's all I want Lord....
I don't want words of encourgement, I don't want pep talks, I don't want cards through the post... I want YOUR healing power in my life. Maybe these distortions will NEVER go away, but I will NEVER stop loving you, and I do not want them to have this violent hold over my life. No one deserves this. Maybe not even me....

Notts Landing

2005-09-10T20:41:00.000+01:00

No not the popular TV programme, but I got back from Nottingham Arnold today after a 2day trip.. It's been a weird set of days, I've gone through every single emotion I think is possible. Conclusion:Never put anyone on a pedestal, otherwise you'll just get burnt. Saying that, I did generally have an awesome time, and I'm hoping to see the Notts guys again. They totally rock :)
I'm currently now working on 6 songs; 3 of which started taking form on the Megabus.com to Nottingham... I'm on those writers who seem to flourish when they're a bit messed up, so melodies and lyrics have been coming full flow. Here's such an example:

Please mind your head on the door to
My feelings.
Please hold on tight to my soul.
Think of a way you can cope
Without stealing
Pieces of joy that were whole.

and another:
Verse
How can life be sweet and sour?
Bitter sugar coated hours.
Will the thought of you ever reach my heart?
Scars bring happiness and sadness.
Shifting tides result in madness.
How am I supposed to finish what I could not start?
Chorus
We were made to be together,
Death and life, for worse or better.
You could be the one forever
Who'll I'll always love.

Goodnight....

2005-09-04T08:43:00.000+01:00

Right now I feel really emotional. Not sad, but just brimming with emotion. Like I could tear really easily or something. I've realised despite all those plans to get back with God, I've done a pretty rubbish job. I miss you Lord! I miss having that confidence in you. I miss having the reassurance that everything's going to be ok. I miss knowing what it's like to be touched by you.
There is something though, that has awoken after being long dorment within me, and thats a desire to write and perform songs. Songs that connect with people, songs that are bearing the innermost feelings of my soul. I've written 2 this week. I love them both. I really do need to find some people to play them down with. I don't know why I've suddenly gone music mad. I guess I always have been, but never thought I'd be good enough....Maybe I'm still not, but you only live once. I'm going to try and do the impossible and aim to get these songs recorded somehow. I know it sounds like delusions of grandeur, but I have to at least try. I can't believe I'm actually writing this, and I don't know why it's suddenly come out in such a violent explosion.... Having all this time on my hands means I get to think alot...
Is this just my selfish desire to be famous? I dunno... I mean we were watching x-factor and seeing all those dreams smashed.... But then again at the same time I'm probably my own harshest critic, and I know that I wouldn't want to try this unless I really thought I had any possibility of succeeding . Its something only a few people can achieve, but I'm going to try.....
Gosh I can have very crazy thoughts sometimes.....

What a day.....

2005-09-04T06:35:00.000+01:00

Oh man, I had one of the worst nights ever! I didn't actually get off to sleep until around 5am... thats ridiculous ain't it?
Part of it was the heat, but I guess it's mainly because of all the crap (mental not literal) bouncing around my head at the moment.
I think the sooner I know for CERTAIN what's happening, the better.

I'm totally rocked by whats been going on in New Orleans.... It's just totally unfathomable, how something so atrocious can happen and how it has ripped lives apart. Everyone is looking for someone to blame, but this time you can't blame such a thing on Al-Quaeda, or terrorism. You can blame your president for not getting there quick enough, you can blame the weather, but you can't prevent it from happening again. That's what's so scary isn't it? The fact that even the world's mightiest nation can't prevent the devastating power of nature. What's even worse is that we just sit on our comfortable sofas and say 'thats a shame' and then change to the channel and erase it out of our sight... But it's not out of sight for those living there. It's not out of mind for the people having to trample through all sorts of crap in the street; for those who can't even bury their families and friends; for the women being sexually abused by the men taking advantage in such dire times; by the child who has to go yet another day without food; for those who can't afford the bus fare out of town. And we sit here and say 'thats a shame' and then reach for our remote. WHAT can we do? What CAN we do? What can WE do? What can we DO?

WE simply CAN.

September (why isn't it Heptember?)

2005-09-02T20:30:00.000+01:00

It was my sister (and about 10 other people I know)'s birthday yesterday. I hope she had a great time. I remember what it's like to be 19... it's scary being in the last year of teenagedom, especially as when you thought 18 was when you've finally grown up and now you realise you still haven't! We're going out for a meal tonight to celebrate, so that should be cool as it definitely beats microwave meals...
I had a meeting with Mark and Linda yesterday about what's happening in September, and I'm really happy to say that things are getting underway. Will be expecting some emails soon to confirm whats going on exactly. So good times!
Oh man I also had the best find of all finds today, when I was looking through my album collection and found 'Parachutes' by Coldplay! yessss! I can't believe I didn't realise I had it! I think I bought it a few years ago at HMV for one of those buy 3 for £19.99 deals... Anyway you can guess what I'm listening to right now then! Oh and Joel, if you're reading this, I've visited Play.com (£7.99) LOL.
Oh yeah, and I've finally written my 2nd song. It's called 'Beautiful Way' and it's about a person who's travelled the world, seen what a mess it's in and wants to invite their friend to help clean it up with them. It's about being optimistic, because despite the stupid amount of crappy stuff that goes on, we still have a beautiful world and WE can make a difference if we get off our backsides. I might post the lyrics if I feel brave enough. Need to find a band to play it with now!

Bubble is finally burst

2005-08-28T01:26:00.000+01:00

Well the end of another week! Another 7 days of nothingness. I think I'm getting Timothy withdrawal symptoms! Something on the plus side though is that Mark and Linda have arranged a time with me to talk about 'the future' so I'm hoping things will go well. I also managed to fill out the highly confusing LEA form to get some kind of grant to help me with funding this year, so hopefully that will help.
Don't you hate it when you you're kept awake by thoughts constantly whizzing through your head? I had one of the nights last night. I was thinking about how since I've come back from Prague, religion and God have become something to do with books and theories and debates and whats up there in my head. I've nto really spent anytime on praying and let the relationship grow. It's really hard though, because when you're simply stuck in one place not doing anything except socialising occasionally, and reading up on books, there isn't much motivation to do much of the 'God stuff'. I guess if I think about all this, it must be me simply trying to adjust to normal life whatever that is. I have to face the fact that I'm not a Timothy anymore. Life can't be the same as it once was. Times change. In a way maybe I am still a Timothy. Not officially, but I'm still a learner right? I'm still a disciple. I still have tons of questions and tons of experiences that I want to have. I've still got the rest of my life to grow. But I'd like to be a 'Paul' one of these days. I'd like to be able to disciple others and not just be a disciple. But then being a disciple of Christ is to teach and to learn.... Hmm

Oh by the way please check out this website! I've been assured that it IS a joke! The sad thing is that there ARE people who actually think like this!

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

7 days in rainy august

2005-08-25T07:58:00.000+01:00

Well I must admit nothing particularly awesome has happened today, except I found out that there's a Salvo section on a christian forum I subscribe to! (christianforums.com) That's pretty sweet.

Slightly depressed about having to wear a thick coat in August. But hey God is good!

Peace

it's good to slob?

2005-08-23T06:45:00.000+01:00

Ok, So now I'm back to vague normality (actually maybe it's the peace and quiet that's abnormal), I'm having a chance to get sorted for the future. The only problem to all this is that I'm not doing anything!
Don't get me wrong, I'm so enjoying the sleep ins and the hours of dossing around and the chance to study my systematic theology book (yay), but after a year of crazy god-tastic stuff, It's very strange to have all this free-time. Actually I should be getting concerned about September. I've still not heard from anyone about whether it's still ok to stay at Norwood, or if I have any money to do so, but I'm suppressing this at the moment. I've picked up a very annoying habit of locking into the here and now at the expense of the future. Sounds grandiose right? Probably just a good way of saying I'm can't be bothered. Oh well.
Went to my first UK sally army meeting in 8weeks on Sunday and it was Croydon of all places. It was very weird. I was worried that anything back home was going to seem bland to the amazing stuff I've seen overseas. I'm not going to comment on the meeting because it's the first week back. It was a shame that most of the people I know were away, but still it was nice to be there and talk to the legend that is Johnny Laird (love ya mate! ) and various other cool people who've been so supportive to me. Looking forward to spending more time there.
Challenges for this week are to start praying! I've seem to have forgotten that this is a part of life and have put God on the back-burner for a bit too long since gettting back. Better keep on reading those books. Oh, and I've hit upon the problem of Hell vs universalism at the moment. Entering into a lot of conversations about this online. It's a bit annoying that each side has such great points of view! Anyway as long as I hold on to the anchor points of the Cross and that God is Love, I shouldn' t get too stressed.
What do I think about this issue at the moment? God created us knowing that evil would come into the world. It's God's responsibility to sort out evil. When we do bad things we only understand in part and not the full extent of the consequences. In this respect we are like young children. If you are a loving parent then you will want to put right anything that happens to your child. The cross is the result of this. The cross has to redeem every act of evil that has happened, is happening and will happen. So thats a start. I'm still wondering if eternal torment is something that a Loving God would allow. Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way he doesn't want it... Will keep on pondering over this.

August and I'm finally home!

2005-08-17T08:07:00.000+01:00

Wow!

The longest gap ever!
Well I've got a great reason! Spent about 8wks away from home.
Latvia for 3wks, Timothy training, Graduation, Prague for 2wks and other various wonderful things have happened!
The biggest development was that on the day that I got back from Latvia I was informed that I got a bursary for the Oasis course, but the placement that ALOVE wanted me to go was Bradford Holmewood... Hmm
I've spent the following weeks trying to work out in my head if I wanted to travel, what God's calling was on my life (If there is an explicit one at all) and just how I would survive if I rejected Bradford, because no Bradford, No bursary!
Well I've come to the conclusion that God hasn't necessarily "called" me to a specific path. I believe it's more about Him equipping me with experiences and gifts and then giving me an opportunity to get stuck into his mission field that is the Earth. So I've decided that I will stay at Norwood. God is bigger than money, I need to trust that He will be there for me.
The next big thing is the fact that since all this theological training I've had over the past year, I've aquired a desturbing attitude that makes a mockery of any opinions that differ to the people who have taught me! A great example of this was in Prague where I have just come back from. The salvation army european youth congress was held there, and I recall many times when certain people spoke that I would simply joke about everything they said... THAT IS VERY WRONG
Lord give me grace and an OPEN MIND!
The last little thing is that since graduation from Timothy, I've had a mighty temptations from the female category of the human race. One particular was actually at the Youth congress of all places!.. I was basically faced with the choice of kissing this girl or not, but I decided it wasn't on at all... I mean was I already stuffing up on my motives for being there. I didn't want to make things worse. Also she lives in Latvia, and I live here. Slight problem. I wonder why I'm being so open? meh I don't care particularly. No sense in lying about things, and anyway, I need to journal this stuff so that I can look back on it from time to time.
So my next big prayer is about having more intimacy with God. I've finally got to the place where I've done so much mission that I'm maxed out on it! It seems that programme took over from the relationship with JC, and that was something I never ever wanted. So God! Forgive my foolish ways and lets please get back on track! I need you, I love, I praise you, I thank you! Thanks for getting me this far on the journey of a lifetime. Thanks for freewill to make my own decisions. Thanks for the awesome love that you still show me, despite the many times I've thrown it back in your face. Ps. I pray someone will contact me about Oasis etc! this week!
Craig

The 11th Commandment

2005-06-08T17:46:00.000+01:00

GO AND WATCH STAR WARS IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!

June already!?!

2005-06-08T17:29:00.000+01:00

Hmm.... Well it's June. I have but 9 days before I finish my placement here. Not exactly sure how I feel about that at the moment. I'm looking forward to the change whatever that may bring.

25th June I'm off to Latvia for one month. This is the last leg of the Timothy Programme for me. Not really focussed on preparing for this trip (Heck I don't even know where it is exactly) but realising that I may need to spend some time now actually channelling my prayers and thoughts towards this. The group has been split into two, with half of us going to Lat and the others to Germany. If you were to ask me 6months ago if I am in the right group I would have had to seriously think this over. Present day Craig is a lot less obnoxious, arrogent and two-faced and is absolutely over the moon about who he is going with. You see I'm with the quiet group. The group who don't have to shout to be heard; who don't think they're better than most; the group who don't have to prove anything to anyone else; the group who aren't interested in shallow, superficial relationships but deep and meaningful ones.
I can boldly say this because at the start of the year I was a part of that other group. I was desperate to be noticed and unfortunately sacrificed a lot of my character to get to that spot. I'm so over the moon that I will get the chance to be myself!! That I don't have to be cracking jokes every 5mins in order to feel good! This whole trip is going to rock and I can't wait to get on and do it.
Another topic that is worth bringing up is that I've been accepted to do the Youthwork and ministry Course with Oasis. The only thing I really want to say about that is 'Praise God!'
I'm finding out remarkable things about my faith. Horrifyingly I'm still not the man I would like to be. I feel that part of this is going to get better when I finish the TP... We'll see though.

Peace

The three R's: Roots, Relationships and Rain

2005-05-09T23:00:00.000+01:00

I thought it appropriate to feedback on my March 31st post:

Extract from March:
"Right well you know what? I'm just going to go with it and wait for God to totally smash my pre-conceptions. I'm writing this entry, so when I look back after the experience I can say:"Man I'm glad I did "Create" after all. I was totally blown away with how God used me and blessed me!" At the moment I'm feeling quite down about this. I really do hope that God shows me up on this. Lord please prove me wrong. I so want to be!!"

God I've got to praise you!! You totally did!! Wow it's so great now to look back and realise how awesome and humbling the whole experience was! The opportunity to pray and talk to people about their faith and what they want to see Jesus do in their lives - that's what Roots totally is about for me!
Lord of Lords I thank you for proving me wrong; for answering my prayers and using me like I asked. It was so tough to trust you in this, but you didn't fail me. You never do. Thanks for giving me such a humbling experience. I'm so often aware of how arrogant I can be.
I also need to say that I still got to be a Cell leader! Man what a Cell! we started with around 18 people and apparently we ended up with 28??? is that even possible?? Was a great time. Really affirming that God wants me to work alongside young people. It is a passion of mine. It is in His plan I'm sure.

I also got to meet a really lovely girl who was on the team. Spent Saturday with her in London. I'm wising up to the fact that though I did really like her, now is not the time to be thinking such things. I have priorities. I've also had pain in that area months before. I'm so not going to be walking that path again!! I have my whole life to sort out - girls are way down the list! Besides, I'm not sure if there was any chemistry anyway, but we had a great time all the same, and I really simply enjoyed spending time with a geniuine, lovely person who's around my age. I need that.

I'm preaching at my last youth church this Sunday. The theme is on Vision. Using Isaiah 6 as my text. Hmmm. Why do I constantly think about preaching??? It's almost driving me mad! It's what I wake up thinking about and go to sleep dreaming about. It's what I'm constantly asking God to help me in. It's one of the reasons I'm asking to hear His voice.... This is one part of my life that I need clarity on. If I am being called to preach in whatever capacity, I hope I get an answer soon. I also need to keep reading the bible! Something that I'm not too hot on since coming back from Roots... (just time-management etc.)

Yesterday was good. I decided to change the structure for the youth section of our sunday school so it became more like a small group format. Really believe God is doing some powerful stuff in our kids. Was great to hear everyone praying. Also went to Sutton Corps in the evening to hear a guy called Phil Laeger. He's this amazingly gifted worship leader, who played down some awesome songs that he wrote. A true inspiration to anyone who loves sung worship.

Starting to rain. I better get some food shopping done!

I'm still here!!

2005-05-07T04:10:00.000+01:00

Don't worry! I haven't gone off and done something I'd regret! I'm still alive and well and back on track now it seems! (Phew!)

April was a one of the tough ones... I got my self into the well of despair, and didn't think I'd get out again. Thankfully God heard me and reached me out with those almost elasticated arms of His

I've spent a good few couple of weeks reflecting on life and my ministry and all sorts of things. Things weren't right with God. I've still got some habitual sin in my life (Asking God to stamp it out!) and it infected other areas of my life. I find that when you're not in your relationship with God, all the other problems, anxieties, demons that you have seem to get amplified. Not anymore!! Thank you Lord for rescuing me! (again) Thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for sending such wicked people to talk things through with me (Adam B, and Mark especially). Thanks for helping me come to terms with the relationship that dad and I have. Thanks for bringing healing into our lives. I can't thank you enough.

So in other words I'm doing ok! Getting myself more organised, writing up timetables and thinking of other ways to discipline myself into leading a more efficient and more importantly, effective life. Reflecting, praying and reading scripture is also immensely helpful. I'm studying the Book of Ecclesiastes (o/t) which is about the "Teacher" living apart from God and seeing how pointless life is without Him.

Roots was amazing and extremely humbling. How wonderful to pray and come alongside young people. How awesome to speak to people and witnessing how God is transforming their lives in powerful ways!! Frigging cool!!!!

The most important thing for me is that God is speaking again, or maybe I've unblocked my ears to hear him. I either way it's great. I'm still passionate about the whole preaching thing. How on earth do I intend to have God speak through me if I can't hear Him? Thankfully that's changing. I've just thought how much like Saul (o/t) I seemed in my last post (Read 1 Samuel and you'll know what I mean!) Now I feel more like David: I believe God has a calling on my life. I need to be obedient and strive to be a man after His own heart.

We're gonna do it together.

2005-04-17T07:50:00.000+01:00

God doesn't seem to like speaking to me at the moment. He who has ears should hear I guess. I know I'm not doing a very good job of speaking to him so I guess thats part of the problem.

I feel as though I'm wrapped and trapped up in a cocoon. I don't want anyone else to get in and I hate having to share my own feelings with them. I hate having to think about the future. I've got the UCAS forms lying on my bedroom floor. I'm too scared to even look at them, let alone fill them in. I don't want to have to think about my life after Timothy. I don't even know if I want to be a Timothy anymore. I'm not going to quit. Of course not. I 'm just so fed up with how empty I'm feeling at the moment.

I've turned in to a classic moaner, my God-life is utter rubbish at the moment. I think I've really made a bad impression with the ALOVE team this year. Not that thats what I'm hear to do, but I just have a feeling that they think I'm an idiot. I'm not an idiot, I've just got far too good at wearing masks. I'm hiding behind some kind of "comedy fool" visage in order to conceal my paranoia, instability, envy and many other weaknesses which I'm too ashamed to admit. I'm 21 now, but I still feel as though people treat me like a 16 year old. I know I only have myself to blame. I'm not really immature at heart, but this continual acting the fool and trying to impress people is making me look like a prize buffoon.

I'm not a very well person at the moment. Not physically I mean, but definitely spiritually. I hope not mentally. I'm not going in to some kind of depression, but I'm currently at a low ebb.

Even now, as this year draws to a close, why do I think that I'm destined for 'great things'? It's almost like I believe that God has appointed me to be some kind of special leader or something. Thats just plain arrogance. I know now that I'm no leader. I don't have any decent leadership qualities. I may be able to occasionally speak to people on their own wavelength, but I don't genuinely believe anybody would see me as leadership material. I used to, but after this year I don't any more.

In fact, I used to think I was a people person, but I don't think so anymore. Maybe I do need to get away and study. I'll probably be better at reading books, then spending time with people.

I know you're there God. I know I'm not alone. How long must I wait for you to act? How long until you wake up and shake me up? How long until you fulfil your promises and show me the plans you have for me?

I've spent far too long wanting to be the next Phil Wall or Russ Rook. I want to be Craig Gaudion. Whatever it is you have in store please tell me! I'm sick of waiting! I'm desperate to see you come and fill me with new life and energy and breath.

Come

Selfish is as selfish does

2005-03-31T21:38:00.000+01:00

Firstly, can I say that I know that I am selfish. I know that this is a weakness of mine. I know that I need to ask God for his forgiveness. I'm partly writing this entry to get rid of my frustration, so that by the time I am embarking on this particular adventure I will have got over it!!

Oh boy, as if I'm not being challenged already with a lot of stuff, the next thing that I have to bite my tongue at is that I've been put on the "Create" team for Shocking..... I don't really know what to say. Maybe I'm constantly giving off the wrong signals as to what I'm passionate about or good at - first at the youth rally where I was put down for hospitality. Ok that I dealt with, and saw it as an opportunity to do something different. Now instead of doing the regular pastoral stuff at the big top, I've been put down to do "creative stuff", like poetry, painting, sculpting - all the stuff I absolutely have no desire to do..... I just don't know whats going on anymore.....

Right well you know what? I'm just going to go with it and wait for God to totally smash my pre-conceptions. I'm writing this entry, so when I look back after the experience I can say:
"Man I'm glad I did "Create" after all. I was totally blown away with how God used me and blessed me!" At the moment I'm feeling quite down about this. I really do hope that God shows me up on this. Lord please prove me wrong. I so want to be!!

I guess this is another area that I have to get out of my comfort zone. I've had a really wonderful past 2years of being on the big top staff... I've really enjoyed being a Cell leader. God has really spoken to me and through me in very powerful ways.... I was really looking forward to doing it all again... But someone is saying "No" this time. It's actually really uncomfortable and quite irritating. I have absolutely no idea if this thing is going to be a flop or not. I hope it's successful, I'll be praying that the Holy Spirit descends upon us all in an amazing away. I pray that we'll receive a fresh encounter with the Lord of life.

I hope that I'm going to be able to look back on my graduation night and beyond when I'm giving my testimony and say:
"Man there were some tough challenges this year... there were times when I resented decisions that were made, but boy did God totally humble me!" I must say that this has happened many times already. I hope it happens again because I'm a total loser to be so selfish.

Lord create in me a clean heart. Unseal my lips so that I may praise you and thank you for such wonderful opportunities to disciple your children.
Amen

March reflection

2005-03-29T09:34:00.000+01:00

Ok, time for some honesty.
I feel like something is seriously not right at the moment. There's something weird going on in my life that I can't quite put a finger on. I'm constantly grappling with my issues regarding my future.... Oasis? Cliff college? officership? overseas work? other?

I just don't know what I feel anymore. I don't know if I want to do youthwork because that's simply the automatic choice of a young person. I do have a passion for youth ministry, but is it enough to actually devote my life to being a youth worker? Could I cut it? At the moment I very much doubt it.
I'm still trying to get to grasps with what exactly effective youth work "looks like" Am I spending too much time with some people than others? How do I engage in conversation with football mad teens when I have no love for the sport myself?? What is it about Jesus or the church that is attracting them to attend anyway? How do I go about ensuring they have a clear understanding of what faith is and the what the gospel is about??

Yeah I'm sure it's about "trust" and "prayer" and "reading your bible daily etc... but I think thats a ridiculously primitive answer when you're trying to put it into practice..... "Welcome to the world of leadership" I hear some of my readers cry out.

Let's go over some of the things I know without a doubt that I both want and feel anointed to do:

1) Preach the gospel - Cautiously staying away from street corners... I have yet to meet or heard about anyone who preaches in this fashion effectively (In this century anyway). If it was condoned by people who I regard as great speakers, then I would be all for it... Gosh does that sound like I'm disagreeing with Scripture??? Hmm maybe I am being heretical.. I definitely see its use in the times where literacy was rubbish amongst the people of 1st century palestine, and even the early days of the salvation army... Yeah it worked... Wesley, Whitfield, Booth.. Yes I salute you. Maybe if it was used in the context of an open-air service... again though, I have to question this.. I just don't think it's an effective way of sharing the gospel in the Upper Norwood area.. that is my first priority obviously at the moment.
Anyway, preaching has other forms of course; church services, events, conferences, youth group meetings and so on. I see it as part of the package of a corporate worship time together: ie where people get together to celebrate, praise, revere, question, discuss, learn, discover Jesus and His good news.

I cannot explain why, but this desire burns within and through me. I must tell people about Jesus, I must teach his ways, I must get to grips with what scripture says, about what experience says, and what God is continually saying through countless ways and share this with other people. I believe God is equipping me to use this in my ministry. In what way shape or form I do not know. It's always nice to think big, but that is incredibly dangerous. I will not raise myself above my calling despite whatever skills or gifts I "believe" I have. Local settings must be my priority. I would hate to be destroyed by an ungodly desire to something which I am simply not called to do.

2) Discipling - I desperately want to be a positive influence on the people that I meet everyday. I want to be an effective discipler and help people along their spiritual journey. I want to be a man of wisdom and one whom God speaks through in order to encourage his children and empower them in their faith.

Reading back on that last paragraph, something has just struck me. I used the words "I want" at least 3 times.... Is that what God wants of me??

In fact am I finally coming to the answer to the question which I posed at the very beginning.... How much does My Wanting correlate to God's Anointing? How much of this is simply me and how much is God? Maybe this is the answer, but terribly this is also leads me right back to where I started: Big Question...

What is it exactly that God is calling me on to do??? Now I'm not so sure...
My prayer then is this: Lord strip away all that is from me and reveal to me your perfect will. In Jesus name, amen.