Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Something stirring inside

I want to be an apprentice of Jesus. I want you to see Jesus working in and through my life in a way that screams transformation. I want, by this time next year, for you to come up to me and say, "You know what Craig? You are more like Jesus this year then you were last year! I want to live my life in such a way that you say… “I want what he’s got. Not because I’m personally great or skilled or talented or charming” (I’m none of those things! I’m as messed up, broken, lukewarm as all of you.) But I want to live in such a way that you say “Jesus has taken this man, with all of his mess, his brokenness is lukewarm-ness and the Lord’s grace has just completely outshone all of that. Craig is more like Jesus now than he’s ever been" I have a sense in which I’m finally realising that this is my primary vocation. If you'd asked me before I would have said ‘yep that’s what it’s about’, but to be honest, I would have said it say because I have read it in a book somewhere. But now. I’m finally opening myself up to Jesus, and listening and praying about how this can be a flesh and blood reality to live by. Walk with me as I hammer it out. Maybe we can journey with this together.

Monday, July 09, 2012

And we're back in the room...

3 months. Gone just like that. And with that I have a baby daughter - gorgeous, cute, rocks my world - all of that. Paternity leave gave me a lot of time to think (amongst changing dirty nappies, and the slow realisation that sleeping in will NEVER happen again) about discipleship. Not just think, but pray read, wrestle, discuss it. I realised this - I'm not being discipled. How on earth can I preach discipleship when I'm not practising it? I've also realised that it's only because I have been discipled in the past, that's why it's such a loss to me that it's not going on in my life right now. And I'm not talking about small groups/cell groups/Bible studies, things like that. I'm speaking of someone, who looks more like Jesus, pouring their life into mine, so that I can go on to do the same to others. It's taken me a whole year in a (lay) pastor's role to see that this is the reason why our corps is full of people who come to be entertained on a Sunday and yet leave it to the faithful few (strike a chord anyone) to do the stuff. And when I say 'few' I mean four of us.... Oh yes we're that close to imploding... And so gone are the days where I was secretly hoping to pastor a megachurch or megacorps or whatever... hoping to grow big ministries and the like. Now I choose the simple but difficult path of trying to be a disciple of Jesus in the real biblical sense of discipling others myself so that they will in turn do the same. Thank you Mike Breen. You've gone and done it now...