Saturday, March 17, 2007

(12 Mar) 8th blog

I love God, I love the idea of the Kingdom of God (what little I understand of it anyway).
I just get so frustrated that I miss the point though... all the time!

I'm missing out on so much at the moment because I can't let go of destructive things.
Is there more to life than wanting to be a particular way but never getting there? Is it pointless to think I'll ever get there? (this side of heaven at least).

God is good, right? God's done so much in my life these past few weeks. I got to do what I like best, and that was to preach. Nothing like preaching in front of your peers! (scary). And its moments like that, that I know were genuinely drenched in prayer and I want more of them. God also spoke to someone through seeing me read the bible on the train that evening too. Those are the times when I know that God is real, that he does want to connect us all up somehow.

I'm so concerned that I'm going to end up alone. Silly to think that at 23, and I really should move on. I guess love and companionship is a big part of who I am and want to be, so its hard to move on from that. I've never felt true (romantic) love for someone else, merely shadows, whispers of what might be. I wonder what its like. I wonder why some people stopping loving their partners also. I always thought that love was the most powerful emotion we had, but its still fragile despite that. Its beautiful, but it withers if not tended to. I want mine to take root and blossom.

Lol, where is she? Does 'she' even exist?

1 comment:

Gem's Blog said...

I know exactly how you fell matey. Its horrible and maybe daft for us to think that way but its so hard to trust and that thing is the feeling of being single forever are so so real. But on a positive note you never know where 'she' might pop up!