Sunday, January 29, 2006

Jumbled thinking

John Ortberg calls it the 'Honko second'.... I tend to agree, we are a nation that lives in the Fast lane (which incidently still isn't fast enough)... I have lived in this kind of world now for the best/worst part of almost 22 years. Its strange that I've only recently tried writing about this, as its something that is quite often on my mind.

Life goes by far too slowly for me, I want results NOW, I want to see God do something NOW, I want to be sorted in life Now.

Life also goes by far too quickly! My essays are due SOON, my first year will be over SOON, I've got to prepare for Youth Church SOON.

I seem to have the worst of both worlds and what doesn't help is that inside my head is a mass of jumbled thinking. I seem to have both crammed myself with so much 'knowledge' and also lack so much common sense. When I want to say something, generally I can't find the words to say it, or it all comes out totally wrong. I hardly ever THINK before I speak because I want to get my point out asap but I've realised that I can't communicate effectively to anybody if I'm not going to put thoughts behind the things that I say. This isn't the same as when I'm preaching, partly because I have a script with me just in case, and because I've HAD to think about what to say in order to get the message across.

Everyday life though... That's the challenge, thats the big obstacle. How do I not sound like a bumbling buffoon?

Prayer? Therapy?

Who knows, but I don't want to be living a life that is so full of things to say, but never saying them concisely or thoughtfully. Less is more so they say.

My major concern though is just how far I seem to have backslidden since leaving TP. There is no quality in my worship to my God anymore. I hardly pray, I hardly spend anytime in meditation.... I'm just all 'knowledge' and no soul.

And I hate myself for it

Monday, January 23, 2006

mixed bag

Yesterday was a pretty mixed bag. We had a Churches together forum, which bored me silly, talking about expenditures and accounts brought forward and drawn cheques etc. I guess these things are essential, but really there was as much enthusiasm and excitement in that room as a poached egg.

Next up we had a Churches together youth service, led by the pastor of the a church near by which is was again quite mixed. Agape (Norwood Worship Band) lead us in worship, man are they great! Love you guys for your true of worship and desire to glorify Jesus in what you do. You're a real inspiration. It was also great to see and hear participation from young people in other churches. This was the first time taht I'd seen alot of these youth, so was really encouraging. Really gets the cogs whirring in my head as to what things we can do to encourage all of this and help it grow. I was a little disappointed with the speaker. She was talking on the relevance of Church for Young people, and it just felt like a rundown of facts and statistics, rather than a mighty challenge to our churches to pull our fingers out, which I think we desperately need. Wasn't really aimed at the young people either. Oh well, I would tend to be overly critical I guess. Still there were some good points!

If we are to do this again though, I really think we need to make it alot more interactive, and fun. Unfortunately a few of the young people left after they had done their bit, so we need to think of ways to engage with them all through the time together.

I don't want to sound like I hated every minute though. This was a good start, we're not used to being together like this so will surely improve the more times we do it.

Unfortunately my day ended by having a massive row with my dad. Wasn't over anything particularly important but we just wound each over up so much and ended up saying a lot of things we regret. Just gets me so frustrated sometimes.

Saturday, January 21, 2006


Well this week has quite possibly been my busiest yet! Started my community placement (Tons of paperwork) and also Sports Cells, which was really fab. I'm looking forward to seeing both those things bear real mighty fruit.

We have our Churches together worship service this Sunday evening, which I'm hoping is going to be a real wake up call for a lot of people to see just how awesome the young people in this church community are. Our corps worship band is leading the worship for this event, which I know is going to be really amazing.. They've grown up so much, both musically and spiritually - You guys rock :)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Mid-Jan ramblings

Lots has happened in the past few weeks,

We had our January Youth Church, entitled: New Life, Which was another very blessed time of fellowship, teaching, worship and fun etc. I love these Sundays. Really fab to be with everyone and see them engaging so vibrantly with the Lord.

I'm starting at my community placement tomorrow after uni! Finally got it all sorted. I'll be working at a youth centre called Streetwise, which looks to be very challenging, so I'll have to have my wits about me.

I'm also trying to formulate youth advisory council type thing, which will mean us meeting together at the end of the month to discuss various youth-related topics. Looking forward to this as I see it as a key part the future of the vision for youth at our church/corps.

I know I've been a bit slack lately with writing here. I need more motivation really. Hoping to jot down so more theological ideas and concepts etc, when I get the time. Have been thinking and reading alot about Jesus, his vocation, did he believe he was God etc... which has been very challenging. Will hopefully share some of this stuff soon.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


Well the Timothy2 retreat was really great. Was wonderful to see the guys again and to catch up with what they've been doing. Its a shame that we'll never be as close as we once were, but I just need to grow up and accept that. The sessions were good. It was really one big opportunity to reflect on the past year and to have a think about our hopes and dreams for the future. This was capped off with some hang-time with the Timothys but I must say we didn't really get the chance to talk much which was a shame.

I'm not looking forward to getting back into everyday normal life, but I guess its inevitable and will be better once I'm in the swing of things again.

I really need to start reading my bible... Gosh how do I expect to teach and preach God if I'm not reading it?? Stupid. Anyway, I've now got Youth church to prepare, and with a few people missing, it's going to be a really push, but hopefully will come off ok again.

Gandhi - Searching for God

I had the great fortune to watch the film 'Gandhi' today. What a man! I've heard bits and bobs about him all through my life, but its something entirely different to watch and actual movie based on his life. An incredible man, on a search for God spreading an amazing message throughout his native India and beyond. This is definitely one man I hope to shake the hand of when creation is restored.

Here is a sample of his nonviolence teaching

'The concept of nonviolence (ahimsa) and nonresistance has a long history in Indian religious thought and has had many revivals in Hindu, Buddhist, Jain and Christian contexts. Gandhi explains his philosophy and way of life in his autobiography The Story of My Experiments with Truth. He was quoted with saying:

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?"
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind".
"There are many causes that I am prepared to die for but no causes that I am prepared to kill for".
In applying these principles, Gandhi did not balk from taking them to their most logical extremes. In 1940, when invasion of the British Isles by Nazi Germany looked imminent, Gandhi offered the following advice to the British people (Non-Violence in Peace and War):

"I would like you to lay down the arms you have as being useless for saving you or humanity. You will invite Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini to take what they want of the countries you call your possessions.... If these gentlemen choose to occupy your homes, you will vacate them. If they do not give you free passage out, you will allow yourselves, man, woman, and child, to be slaughtered, but you will refuse to owe allegiance to them".' (Taken from wikipedia)

This last sentence particularly spoke to me as the reader might have guessed from reading earlier posts. I always wondered about what a country should do under attack from another. Israel did it too under the rule of pagan nations, particularly the Romans. All tyranny comes to and end. This is loving one's enemy and not returning evil with evil.

I'm off to the Kairos centre tomorrow for a Timothy2 training day. I'm not expecting much as I kind of know what will be happening, as this time last year I was doing the exact same thing. So we'll see how it all goes. It will be very strange to be in the Timothy atmosphere and not actually be among the 1st year Tims.