Sunday, August 28, 2005

Bubble is finally burst

Well the end of another week! Another 7 days of nothingness. I think I'm getting Timothy withdrawal symptoms! Something on the plus side though is that Mark and Linda have arranged a time with me to talk about 'the future' so I'm hoping things will go well. I also managed to fill out the highly confusing LEA form to get some kind of grant to help me with funding this year, so hopefully that will help.
Don't you hate it when you you're kept awake by thoughts constantly whizzing through your head? I had one of the nights last night. I was thinking about how since I've come back from Prague, religion and God have become something to do with books and theories and debates and whats up there in my head. I've nto really spent anytime on praying and let the relationship grow. It's really hard though, because when you're simply stuck in one place not doing anything except socialising occasionally, and reading up on books, there isn't much motivation to do much of the 'God stuff'. I guess if I think about all this, it must be me simply trying to adjust to normal life whatever that is. I have to face the fact that I'm not a Timothy anymore. Life can't be the same as it once was. Times change. In a way maybe I am still a Timothy. Not officially, but I'm still a learner right? I'm still a disciple. I still have tons of questions and tons of experiences that I want to have. I've still got the rest of my life to grow. But I'd like to be a 'Paul' one of these days. I'd like to be able to disciple others and not just be a disciple. But then being a disciple of Christ is to teach and to learn.... Hmm

Oh by the way please check out this website! I've been assured that it IS a joke! The sad thing is that there ARE people who actually think like this!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

7 days in rainy august

Well I must admit nothing particularly awesome has happened today, except I found out that there's a Salvo section on a christian forum I subscribe to! ( That's pretty sweet.

Slightly depressed about having to wear a thick coat in August. But hey God is good!


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

it's good to slob?

Ok, So now I'm back to vague normality (actually maybe it's the peace and quiet that's abnormal), I'm having a chance to get sorted for the future. The only problem to all this is that I'm not doing anything!
Don't get me wrong, I'm so enjoying the sleep ins and the hours of dossing around and the chance to study my systematic theology book (yay), but after a year of crazy god-tastic stuff, It's very strange to have all this free-time. Actually I should be getting concerned about September. I've still not heard from anyone about whether it's still ok to stay at Norwood, or if I have any money to do so, but I'm suppressing this at the moment. I've picked up a very annoying habit of locking into the here and now at the expense of the future. Sounds grandiose right? Probably just a good way of saying I'm can't be bothered. Oh well.
Went to my first UK sally army meeting in 8weeks on Sunday and it was Croydon of all places. It was very weird. I was worried that anything back home was going to seem bland to the amazing stuff I've seen overseas. I'm not going to comment on the meeting because it's the first week back. It was a shame that most of the people I know were away, but still it was nice to be there and talk to the legend that is Johnny Laird (love ya mate! ) and various other cool people who've been so supportive to me. Looking forward to spending more time there.
Challenges for this week are to start praying! I've seem to have forgotten that this is a part of life and have put God on the back-burner for a bit too long since gettting back. Better keep on reading those books. Oh, and I've hit upon the problem of Hell vs universalism at the moment. Entering into a lot of conversations about this online. It's a bit annoying that each side has such great points of view! Anyway as long as I hold on to the anchor points of the Cross and that God is Love, I shouldn' t get too stressed.
What do I think about this issue at the moment? God created us knowing that evil would come into the world. It's God's responsibility to sort out evil. When we do bad things we only understand in part and not the full extent of the consequences. In this respect we are like young children. If you are a loving parent then you will want to put right anything that happens to your child. The cross is the result of this. The cross has to redeem every act of evil that has happened, is happening and will happen. So thats a start. I'm still wondering if eternal torment is something that a Loving God would allow. Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way he doesn't want it... Will keep on pondering over this.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

August and I'm finally home!


The longest gap ever!
Well I've got a great reason! Spent about 8wks away from home.
Latvia for 3wks, Timothy training, Graduation, Prague for 2wks and other various wonderful things have happened!
The biggest development was that on the day that I got back from Latvia I was informed that I got a bursary for the Oasis course, but the placement that ALOVE wanted me to go was Bradford Holmewood... Hmm
I've spent the following weeks trying to work out in my head if I wanted to travel, what God's calling was on my life (If there is an explicit one at all) and just how I would survive if I rejected Bradford, because no Bradford, No bursary!
Well I've come to the conclusion that God hasn't necessarily "called" me to a specific path. I believe it's more about Him equipping me with experiences and gifts and then giving me an opportunity to get stuck into his mission field that is the Earth. So I've decided that I will stay at Norwood. God is bigger than money, I need to trust that He will be there for me.
The next big thing is the fact that since all this theological training I've had over the past year, I've aquired a desturbing attitude that makes a mockery of any opinions that differ to the people who have taught me! A great example of this was in Prague where I have just come back from. The salvation army european youth congress was held there, and I recall many times when certain people spoke that I would simply joke about everything they said... THAT IS VERY WRONG
Lord give me grace and an OPEN MIND!
The last little thing is that since graduation from Timothy, I've had a mighty temptations from the female category of the human race. One particular was actually at the Youth congress of all places!.. I was basically faced with the choice of kissing this girl or not, but I decided it wasn't on at all... I mean was I already stuffing up on my motives for being there. I didn't want to make things worse. Also she lives in Latvia, and I live here. Slight problem. I wonder why I'm being so open? meh I don't care particularly. No sense in lying about things, and anyway, I need to journal this stuff so that I can look back on it from time to time.
So my next big prayer is about having more intimacy with God. I've finally got to the place where I've done so much mission that I'm maxed out on it! It seems that programme took over from the relationship with JC, and that was something I never ever wanted. So God! Forgive my foolish ways and lets please get back on track! I need you, I love, I praise you, I thank you! Thanks for getting me this far on the journey of a lifetime. Thanks for freewill to make my own decisions. Thanks for the awesome love that you still show me, despite the many times I've thrown it back in your face. Ps. I pray someone will contact me about Oasis etc! this week!